How to be romantic with your boyfriend

If you and your boyfriend do something romantic together that gets your blood pumping and makes you feel good, you will be guaranteed to feel more sexy and romantic. This can take the form of any kind of exercise such as long walks, hiking, biking, running, yoga, ballroom dancing, or just going to the gym together. 9 Romantic Things To Do With Your Boyfriend. Way too often, the onus is on the guy to do something romantic in a relationship. As women, we like to be pampered, swooned, surprised, serenaded, and romanced. It’s very romantic to offer to give your boyfriend a warm bath after a hectic day. Go ahead and be romantic. Get him a brass calendar ; A brass calendar with 12 pictures is certainly a romantic gift to give to your boyfriend. 12 Proven Ways To Find And Keep A Boyfriend; Buy him a wooden book; This gift is just perfect for him. The magical charm of these activities will give your image as a boyfriend a romantic touch. She will get goosebumps every time you start off a date by giving her a rose or stare into her eyes while sitting across her at a candlelit dinner table. 18. Flirt with her by giving her compliments all the time. My boyfriend is definitely the romantic one in our relationship. He's the one who remembers random things I've said in the past and uses those things to create an unimaginably thoughtful gift that ... Finding romantic things to say to your boyfriend isn’t hard, but it can sometimes feel a little bit bold. Be bold, sister! I promise, these loving words will encourage him and show him that you have his back. And as far as things to say to your boyfriend goes, romantic ones are right up there with funny, silly, and supportive ones.

Relationship Advice

2016.01.16 18:15 dybolic Relationship Advice

Why is for any healthy romantic relationship differs through several to several. Building some sort of relying on and also beneficial relationship will take effort and time. Along with sad to say, this doesn’t simply just come about immediately. For just about any romantic relationship to develop sturdy and also stay sturdy, you have to put in many function. Here are many behavior that can build and gaze after some sort of delighted and
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2019.10.28 00:17 Rahvenar Male dating strategy

FemaleDatingStrategy but with a twist.
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2020.07.10 20:36 HungryFinch My [31F] boyfriend [35F] is texting with a female "friend" and isn't taking my feelings seriously

I posted about this on relationships before I knew I should have used relationship_advice (I’m new to reddit) under a throwaway account that I didn’t even name right, but my bf is not on reddit or any social media so I’m just posting this under my normal account. I’m going to write basically what I wrote in the original post, and add on additional information about what has happened since. And this will be long so that I can include background information, as I see a lot of posts on here with little info and then the OP can’t get good advice, so I apologize for the word vomit. Also, sorry for the excessive use of parentheses.
TLDR up here because it’s long as fuck: my boyfriend has been texting almost every day with another woman; I consider it emotional cheating; he doesn’t seem to care how I feel about it or be willing to do anything about it, and now I’m very close to breaking up with him. Hoping for advice or assurance that I’m not “crazy”
I’ve been with my boyfriend (we’ll call him “T”) for almost 7 years. We live together and have been talking about buying property together for the last year or two. We didn’t have the best start but have been in a very good place lately - until I found out about him texting a female “friend” (friend in quotes because I think she has much more than friendly feelings for him):
T works at a local farm and was working at the farmers market when he met this woman. They never hung out or spent time together but for some reason got each other’s phone numbers. This was back in September, which is the month I left for another city to do a certificate program, so I wasn’t around, and we were in a bad place - sort of broken up, not exactly talking, as he had issues with being in a LDR even though it was temporary. For context: this woman was in town for an event that she helped with, she is originally from our state but lives quite a few states away in a different city.
Since September they have been texting nearly every day - at least multiple times a week - and as far as I know it’s been fairly innocuous on his end (more on that below). I only found out about this woman in April May, about two months after I’d moved back. I find it off that he never told me about her when he first met her (or within a reasonable time within meeting her, we were very much still in contact after I moved), and when I mentioned that to him he said she just “never came up”. If I had met someone I thought was cool and made a new friend it’s definitely something I would have shared with him, and I expected him to do the same because that’s how our relationship is. We talk about everything and are very open with each other - or so I thought until now.
When I found out I felt extremely uncomfortable - I’ve been cheated on by other partners and had a similar experience with him so I do have insecurity and jealousy issues when it comes to things like this: there was a time a few years ago when he and I were on-and-off, and he had been sleeping with his ex for months but never told me until I asked him if something was going on between them. I had suspicions because of how she acted around me when I saw her a few times. We were not exclusive at the time so it wasn’t exactly cheating, but it felt like it - it was the hiding and lying that really got to me. It took me a long time to process my feelings on it and a long time for us to get into a healthier space and to move on to a committed relationship. So that definitely adds to how I feel in this case.
Back to the present: he told me there was nothing going on, and let me read the text messages. The more I read the worse I felt. It was very clear she was flirting with him, despite supposedly having a boyfriend. The boyfriend is never mentioned, and I am never mentioned in the texts either - other than T saying “OP is moving home, I hope she doesn’t spread the virus around” (a joke but to me kind of mean). She sends him selfies and pictures of what she’s doing a lot, asks him how his day is going, stuff that reads like what a girlfriend would send her boyfriend. His responses were minimal but friendly and I believed him when he said nothing was going on, but to me it’s clear that she has more than friendly feelings towards him.
I told him how uncomfortable this made me feel, and he continually denied any feelings towards her, other than that she was his “friend” and the conversation escalated into an argument where he said some pretty hurtful things like “you don’t want me to have female friends”, that I’m controlling, etc. It makes me feel like his friendship with this woman he has known less than a year is more important than our relationship.
It’s cooled down since then, and I’ve asked offhand whether he’s heard from her and the reply is always yes. The other day (in June) I was bad and looked at their texts again, as he told me he wouldn’t let me read them again despite letting me read them previously, and the texts had changed. Nothing romantic or sexual, but he’s being much more verbal, sending her more pictures (no selfies though), and she is sending him more pictures as well as sending him screenshots of all the pictures of only him that are on the farm’s social media - saying things like “I liked your hair better when I first met you” and commenting on his appearance in a flirtatious way. (this is a HUGE RED FLAG to me - who the fuck does that??)
I told him I looked at the texts and I knew it was wrong, but explained again how uncomfortable and shitty this all makes me feel, and his response was that I was “taking things to the next level” and “what’s wrong with [her] flirting [with him]?”. To me this is crossing the line into emotional cheating. I don’t understand why he needs validation and attention from another woman when we’re in a relationship.
Things were tense between us and any time I would try to talk about how I felt with him again, he would get defensive and accusatory and refuse to see my side of things. So I tried something out - I followed her on Instagram. She has a public profile and has over 1,000 followers, so I didn’t feel like it was a creepy thing to do - if her profile had been private that’d be a whole other story and I wouldn’t have followed her. I wanted to see if she would follow me back or even reach out but what happened was this: I looked as his phone again a few days after I’d followed her because he never said anything about it. She had texted him about it, and it went more or less like this:
Her: I think your gf started following me on instagram (eyes emoji) What’s that about?
Him: Fun. How’s your day?
Her: (grimace emoji)
Him: She thought it was weird that we text
Her: Yeah, I understand that. Did she look through your phone?
Him: She asked me one day who I was texting and it just happened to be you and I told her and then it turned into who is that
Her: Oh I see
Him: [asks about her sick cat (???)]
Her: Well, I like being friends with you but we don’t have to text. I don’t want to cause problems.
Him: It’s weird that she’s on your insta
Her: [agrees with him, then changes the subject to her sick cat]
Her asking “did she look through your phone” seems weird to me, that she would jump to that conclusion right away. Yes, I did look through his phone, but the first time it was with his consent…so this implies to me that she knew I didn’t know she existed. Then she acknowledged that it was weird how that they text, so she obviously knows she’s crossing a boundary. And both of them agreeing that it’s “weird” that I followed her [public!!] Instagram seems weird itself to me. I don’t think that following a SO’s friend on Instagram is weird especially in the very social media based world we live in.
So after seeing these texts I asked him if she’d said anything about me following her, and he said yes and that it was weird and that I was “taking things too far” and that it showed him that I was going to be “that person”. Things have been really rocky since then, with him reverting to the immature, cold, closed off, incommunicative person he becomes when things get tough emotionally.
To be clear: he has close female friends and I am completely fine with that. I have never felt insecure about any of them, and in addition he has known these female friends for years. But he NEVER texts them or talks to them as much as he does with this other woman. Like I said, they have never spent time together other than at the farmers market, and she does live in another city so there’s almost 0% chance of them meeting up in person, at least right now - so I am not concerned about them being physical, but to me the emotional aspect of it is almost worse.
I know I would absolutely never text a platonic male friend that way, and as it is I would never let anything go that far in the first place because I feel like I get enough from T. Even if I did have a close male friend who I texted a lot, T would be mentioned a lot as he’s a big part of my life. In fact, I do have a close male friend who I have known for 6 years, we text maybe a couple times a month and we both talk a lot about our SOs. It’s nothing close to how T texts with this woman he’s known less than a year.
I’m sorry if I didn’t explain this well or if I rambled, but I’m in a pretty shitty emotional place right now. It’s just extremely off to me that this girl supposedly has a boyfriend, never mentions him, and my boyfriend never mentions me, despite me living with him and being a big part of his life, on top of her sending selfies and taking screenshots of pictures of him (I’m still WTFing over that and how he doesn’t get how fucking weird that is). I’m strongly considering breaking up with him - not because I think he’s cheating, per se, but more the fact that he has completely disregarded my feelings and boundaries about this and that he refuses to communicate. I’m going to tell him that we either get couples counseling or we break up.
Most of the input I got in my original post is that he’s gaslighting me and I should leave. I’m sure I’ll get mostly the same responses here, but also wondering if anyone else has been in a situation like this. Most similar posts I’ve seen include the partner going further and actually flirting / sexting, or having feelings for the person they text with, which maybe isn’t the case here unless he’s lying to me about him only seeing her as a friend.
Also: I do know it’s bad to look through a partner’s phone without consent. I fully admit to that and I know I’ll probably get shit for it. To be fair, he knows my password and has free access to my phone any time he wants and though I have never asked him to do that for me, I have mentioned in the past (even before this) how it seems weird that he is so secretive over his phone if he has nothing to hide.
submitted by HungryFinch to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 20:02 cezhnikovy So, am I being selfish, or do I just have high standards? Anyone else with me on what I say below?

After another tough conversation with my partner, I'm left wondering. Am I selfish in my sexual expectations or do I just have high standards that I haven't found easily. Maybe your inputs will give me some clarity.
I think sexual compatibility and intimacy is a very important part of a relationship, if not THE MOST. My parents had a sexless loveless marriage and I saw how horrible it was. I go the extra mile because who else would you do it with? I keep in shape, I'm kinky, I explore my kinks, I go outside my comfort zone, I try to be spontaneous and I take the lead often. I expect my partner to do the same and I don't think I'm being selfish if I say I want him to offer an evening of complete service and pleasure to me, maybe after a difficult week .. candles, music, massage, cunnilingus till I'm drenched from sweat from my own orgasms. And I would more than reciprocate. And I have! Evenings where his penis is my object of worship until he explodes.
Or like I want him to surprise me in a suit one day, with a romantic dinner while maybe I wear a toy to play with. And I'll do the same with him. I'll show up in a trench coat and lingerie like so many of my boyfriends have liked, and when the office is clear, go down on him right there with no evidence to show for it.
So tell me folks, am I selfish in my wants? Are my standards too high? Do they put unusual pressure on my partners? Am I too needy? Or am I just still searching for a sexually compatible person.
submitted by cezhnikovy to sex [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 15:22 cuppacaffe Is my (22F) boyfriend (24M) cheating on me?

Hey relationship_advice community,
I am in severe denial and I need your help. A little background: My boyfriend and I have been in a fun, loving relationship for the last 8 months. He’s the first boyfriend I’ve ever had and I lost my virginity to him as well. Before I met him, I had issues with intimacy and trusting people (especially men) due to my childhood and the fact that I was completely new to the idea of a romantic relationship. He treats me better than i could have ever imagined a man would treat me, and we’ve never gotten into a serious fight - just minor disagreements which we would forget about later the same day. And we’ve already said “I L*** You” to each other, talked about marriage, kids, and our futures with one another.
So, here’s the thing: we were cooking dinner last night and he swiped to see his notifications on his phone. His Siri app suggestions said the usual things like Facebook, Messages and Weather but the last app was Bumble. I recognized that icon because I used that dating app a year ago before I met him and I do recall him saying he used it as well. To my knowledge, the Siri Suggestions feature is the most used / most recently used apps on your phone, which means he had to have been using Bumble recently/frequently. I deleted my dating profiles after the second month of us dating, as you should when you’re exclusive right? Now when I saw this I didn’t say anything to him. I don’t know what to say anyway because the app popping up on the suggestions isn’t evidence alone of him cheating on me. I did consider this though - he does have his own business and I am aware that Bumble does have a business feature on the app, so it could be possible he is using it for networking with other potential customers in the area. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt for this but I can’t seem to shake off this weird feeling. He’s said several times in the past that he hates cheaters and that if I ever cheated on him he would just drop everything and go. So, even though I’m in love with him, it is needless to say that I’d be forced to do the same if I found out it were true.
So I am coming to you guys for help because I don’t know what to think or do at this point. Am i overthinking things? Should I ask him about it? And how do I even bring it up?
submitted by cuppacaffe to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 12:16 StarwarsITALY [Relationship] Dating married women

YaReally
on March 9, 2012 at 4:31 am
This is a little over dramatic and controlling but it’s the best for everyone involved in the situation because you’re the one with game who understands the psychology involved in all the balls being juggled in the air.

15 rules to staying safe being the Other Guy:
1) Don’t let the girl know much about you. They generally don’t
know my last name, what I do for a living, my E-Mail address,
Facebook name, anything past my address and phone number.
Even those I wouldn’t give out if I didn’t have to, I’m tempted
to get a second phone number just for chicks since a Google of
it by an angry BF/husband will find all my info. Often I’ll
have them put my name as Julie or something in their phone
too, for prying eyes.

For one night stands I’ll often say my address to the cabby quietly
and when we get to my place, distract them when we’re in the
elevator with a makeout/etc. so they don’t pay attention to
what floor we’re on, and I’ll distract them again as I open the
door so they don’t pay attention to what apartment they’re
going into lol If I’m super paranoid (ie – their guy is a big
jealous dude) I’ll walk them down in the morning and distract
them again in the elevator.

Regular chicks have to know my address because I don’t have a
car, don’t have money for a hotel room, and don’t want to
travel to get laid (not to mention if they live with their
BF/husband I don’t want to shit in his territory), so it’s
necessary for them to know how to get to my place.
One regular fuckbuddy was like “I just realized that if I lost my
phone or my BF made me delete your number or something
I’d have no way to get in touch with you again.” lol

2) Don’t go out in public with her, and if you do, keep things
casual and friendly until you have 100% assurance that her
guy isn’t around, or going to be around, or COULD be around,
and that none of her friends are around. This means passing up
the lay sometimes. Safety first though. Her nosy best friend
comes back from the bathroom and sees the two of you
making out and it’s drama-city and the beautiful secret tryst
you guys had going implodes.

If you’re certain her guy isn’t around (like he’s out of town…if
he’s “out with his boys”, there’s a chance his boys will happen
to decide to drink at the same bar you’re groping his girlfriend
at) and her friends either don’t know him or don’t care if she
cheats (a girl’s BFF will often not care because she’s seen her
friend cheat before and they’re BFFs 4evAR), still be cautious
about it. I like to build the sexual tension by keeping kino
minimal while we blab or dance, but as soon as it’s crowded
enough around us that no one’s paying attention or if the place
is dead enough that I can sneak her into the bathroom, then let
loose. A good one is to set up a roleplay where you pretend not
to know eachother then meet up in the bathroom or outside in
an alley and fuck eachother’s brains out, then go back inside
pretending not to know eachother.

Ideally though, keep things to the bedroom. Have other girls who
aren’t taken that you can go out with or go out with your boys.
This girl is just for sex, she already has a boyfriend she can go
out with.

3) Don’t see her more than once a week. She’ll get attached and
start thinking stupid thoughts about ditching her boy and living
happily ever after with you.

4) Don’t do romantic shit. No watching movies cuddled up
together, no chit-chatting about her day at work. Every
conversation is heavily sexual and every meet-up instantly
turns to sex. Cuddle if you want after so she doesn’t feel like a
slut, but cut it short and let her know it’s time for her to go.
And don’t get sucked up in her drama. She’ll try to get you to
White Knight her a bunch (the correct response to “omg if my
BF found out he’d kill me…he hit me once you know…” is
“when are you coming over?”). You aren’t a part of her world,
you aren’t a part of that drama. Stay away.

5) Dig for as much information on her boy as possible from her. If
you can see her name when he txts, awesome, Google it and
see what you can dig up. If she mentions his job, where he
likes to drink, anything, memorize it. Girls are stupid and
secretly love the drama of almost getting caught so they’ll do
shit like walk you past where their guy works or invite you out
but then when you see her go “my BF came out too sorry
pretend we don’t know eachother” etc. If you find a pic of the
guy online or something, fucking awesome. Might save your
life.

6) It helps if you have a girlfriend yourself, or just let them know
that you’re a player or unavailable for some other reason.
Snuff out any fantasy that you two could be a “thing” beyond
fucking. You are way more attractive than her boy to her
because you’re the sexy mysterious fling side guy, so she’s
going to start picturing that you two could be together if she
just gets caught and her boy leaves her.

7) Call him her “boy” and never call him by his name lol
AMOG/psyche language thing. It just helps re-enforce in her
mind that he’s a “boy” (not a “man”) and avoiding his name
just helps keep you distanced from her world. Like if you went
“so how was Bob’s soccer game?” you might as well be one of
their friends. Distance distance distance.

8) Bitch her out HARDCORE if she slips up at all. Which she
will. Because girls are stupid with this stuff. They don’t realize
that some guys will kill another guy for fucking his girl. They
get off on the drama of almost getting caught or actually
getting caught. So they’ll do stuff like not delete their message
history or txt when they’re in bed with their BF beside them
and just tilt the screen away from him (“sarah’s just telling me
about this guy she met”) etc.

If she fucks up at all, ream her out HARD, even if she doesn’t get
caught. Withdraw emotionally, take away all the fun sexy vibe
you normally give her, act super paranoid and angry like she
doesn’t understand your safety, make her think she’s going to
lose you, then finish it all off with “which would suck ’cause
we have such a good thing going on…I’d hate for it to have to
end ”

You let her slip up once or twice without bitching her out and
she’ll just keep slipping up until she actually gets caught.
10) Don’t ever send her pictures that can identify you. Even if you
guys are sexting or whatever. If you take a pic of your dick to
send her, take it standing in front of a blank wall and make
sure none of the rest of your body is in it, but ideally don’t
even do that. Don’t let her take any pictures of the two of you.
Any sex stuff you record/photograph is done with YOUR
camera/phone, not hers. You are the invisible man.

11) If you guys get into really rough stuff, record her agreeing to
it. Try not to leave bruises/marks she can’t hide. If she goes
home with unexplained marks and can’t hide them and her boy
sees them, she’ll get caught.

12) Use protection. If you pass her an STD and she passes it to her
boy, she’s fucked. If you get her pregnant she’ll tell you that
“you won’t have to worry about it” and if her and her boy’s
relationship is heading toward marriage she’ll have the baby
expecting to get away with him raising it as his own. Cool,
except if the guy gets a paternity test and says “fuck off bitch”
and runs, you are now a dad paying child support for 18 years.
This relates to #13.

13) Understand that she WILL throw you under the bus without
hesitation if shit hits the fan. 100%. It doesn’t matter how
much she likes you, she will ALWAYS put herself first.
ALWAYS. She will tell her boy that she was raped, she will
tell her boy your name and address and everything if he’s
pissed off and demands them. She will lie about how often you
did stuff together. She’ll say you got her drunk and took
advantage of her. She’ll do anything to pass the blame onto
you instead of her so she can try to salvage her relationship.
14) Don’t txt during the weekend or evenings, basically when you
know he could be around. Txting during the day is usually
safer because she’s at work and can txt you with no problems.
Chicks are stupid and if their phone goes “BLEEP BLOOP:
TXT FROM BOB JONES – MSG: Hey sexy what you…” you
risk her boy seeing it.

15) Don’t talk smack about her boy. She’ll bitch to you about him,
and you’ll be tempted to laugh/agree with the stuff she says,
but scold her for it instead or just change the subject. If you
encourage that talk, you’ll encourage her considering leaving
him, and then she’ll break up with the guy, say she loves this
Other Man, and he’ll be hell-bent on finding out who you are
and you’ll have an annoying clingy girl on your ass who’s
expecting you to swoop her up in your arms now that she’s
single and if you don’t, she’s gonna be pissed at you and want
her guy to find you and there you are, under the bus where she
threw you.

I’ve only had one close call with a boyfriend who wanted to kill
me. The rest have no idea I existed and that their
girlfriends/wives did things with me that they’ve begged her to
let them do to her for years.

Ideally you should just go after single girls instead, it’s a lot less
hassle. But when you go for the hotter girls you’ll find that hot
girls almost ALWAYS have a boyfriend or are at least “dating”
someone…they might not even like the guy, they just don’t
want to be seen as weird not having a boyfriend. And there’ll
be a dozen guys who THINK they have dibs on being her
boyfriend. So it’s like, what’s better, play it safe and fuck an
average single girl or take the risk and fuck the really hot one
behind her BFs back?

16) Don’t let her meet your friends or be a part of your social
circle in any way. Your friends are stupid and don’t understand
the situation and what a tightrope you’re walking. They just
literally have no concept that one seemingly okay comment or
action of theirs can set off a butterfly effect that destroys a
marriage, gets the girl killed, gets you killed, removes a father
or mother from their child’s life, etc. like these aren’t pretend
or exaggerated stakes here.

Don’t refer to her by name if you do talk about her to them and if
they were with you when they met her make them delete her
number, tell them to forget about her and that they’ll never see
her again, and if any of them picked up or got a number from
any of her friends, make him delete the number and let him
know that girl is off limits (or back off 100% from your girl,
delete her number and avoid her etc, if you want to let your
friend have his girl).

I’ve had situs where buddies are like “are you bringing Sally out?
Her friend Helga texted me and says they’re gonna be at
ThatBar tonight! We should go there!” and I’ve had to give
him the speech and make him understand the situ and why that
wasn’t going to happen. He already had a girlfriend so the
obvious move was him backing off. If he was hard up for a lay
I’d let him have the friend and back off my girl.

We happened to meet these girls as a group and I knew mine was
taken but he had the best intentions and steamrolled them into
coming back to our place to party after, just trying to wingman
for me. But that just got too many people involved so I had to
play it cool and eventually kick them out. He asked how I
would’ve wanted to handle it instead (he’s learning a bit of
game) and I told him because she was taken I would have just
grabbed her # secretly and arranged a meet via txts with
neither her friends nor mine having any idea we were even
keeping in touch.
submitted by StarwarsITALY to yareally [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 09:00 umnothanksimgood it’s a secret?

TL;DR: an adult with no idea where to place boundaries is looking for some help to understand how to go about having friends and also parents at the same time.
(i flaired this as non romantic because the only relationship mentioned is only about two weeks old)
This is kind of more a question maybe, but it’s got a long story to it.
I moved away from my parents home state when I was 17. Before then, I didn’t really have any notable friends or romantic interests because they live in the southern tip of IL and there’s nothing to do there except smoke weed (which i did not partake in, gasp) and ride your cousins friends four wheeler. When I moved away, I went to college and I started making friends. Now, this was fine for me but my mom has very different opinions. She is a conservative christian and thought that my friends were not leading me towards Christ or fueling my walk or whatever words she used. Therefore, she has maybe only met... mmm... one or two of any of the friends I have made in the last four years (at the time there was a six hour drive between us. the last two years it’s been shortened to a two hour drive. this is important).
She doesn’t like any of them. She will openly state that she doesn’t think they’re good for me and she doesn’t like them. I have some LGBTQ friends, she gives me the disappointed mom look ANY time I mention them. I began DATING one of those friends (he is technically straight, as a trans man, but she refuses to call him “he/him” and will refer to him by his dead name or “she/her” when we have any kind of conversation about him. Yes, I made the mistake of telling her any of that information in the first place. it was a misguided attempt to bring her into my life again and was a wroooooong move). I have not told her. I do not plan to tell her, as I don’t want him to be exposed to my family like that (his is much more accepting or just generally not as rude about it) nor do I feel like dealing with the fall out that will undoubtedly happen.
Something to mention: my parents don’t visit me very often. I am a twenty something living in townhouse with a friend and there is not too much space to house guests. However, even when I lived in a whole ass house, I think I was always expected to come to them. As were my significant others. They’ve met... one of the three guys I’ve dated so far. the one was my first boyfriend and they saw each other for maybe an hour. I always chalk it up to the distance but what do they want? Me to just caravan down there with all of my friends in tow so they can meet and approve them??? It’s confusing.
So, I just don’t talk about my friends or relationships anymore to hemy family. it’s sad because they are always going on about how they want their kids to be able to bring over friends and significant others, and until recently I wanted that too... There lies my question. Is it generally a normal thing for adults to have their parents know their friends? I grew up in a family that tore down boundaries like they were Christmas decorations in July. I never learned what those kinds of things look like so now I’m an adult who has no idea where to draw the line.
submitted by umnothanksimgood to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 06:26 Broke2heartz Too Broken to Love. The beginning never ends with you.

Do you want to know how I feel? You’re the reason the last four years of my love I could see who’s real and who’s not. I know we are all human and I wish I was more sensitive to the damage I caused truly unknowingly as I always told you since day one, I’m very oblivious, and it’s because I never have any intent to hurt anyone in anyway. I want to bring the light out in everyone I encounter. I do have enemies, those who misunderstood my intent, and just because I wanted the girl I ended it with by telling her I’m in love with my best friend totally broke her. She said she never hated anyone but she can say she HATES me all caps. I know she wanted me to try but I kept her waiting. Those nights of tears I wish no one had to go through I know she did and she doesn’t know but you broke my heart. I fell in love with someone else. I’m sorry. I didn’t immediately start dating you like you had wanted without any words because we told each other we love each other 7 months after my break up. Why didn’t you end your relationship, I guess it made me feel bad, and I thought I was important enough for you to choose me over him, but I hurt you by contacting my ex so I could make her feel better and you know I don’t regret it because she ended up 4 months later after the break up with another guy cause I did. When I told you we don’t talk we were not but she wanted to provoke you cause she knew how I felt about you. I don’t know if she interfered and reached out, but that’s not the reason why we ended too. I got broken hearted at first because you always chose him over me and I can’t blame you for that cause he’s your boyfriend. But not having you for seven months with NO CONTACT.. okay I exaggerate because it felt like a year, but truly no contact for three months because I tried calling. Did you get those voicemails. How about after that we tried. I know you tried. When you told me you love me forever and this is special and forever made me fly. That’s why I flew up so high wanting and expecting you to be mine, but how could I expect that when before this you just pretended we’re just friends. You know why we can’t be friends and that was established when we first didn’t talk so why would you come back if you weren’t in love? Cause you were and I don’t know if you are anymore but I know we’re not friends. You can’t try that, but I don’t truly just want friendship. Yes I have my reasons. I wanted you to see my change and get your trust back and be the second choice. I gave you that because while we talked I was in a long term relationship and you were always there. I love you. I told you every night. I just had to stop treating this other girl badly by doing it so what did I do, I listened to dad and left my ex three months after my dad died. Why did I do that? Why did I wait? I waited because you didn’t respond at all, I left a voicemail crying when he died. You were the first person I wanted to hold me like I held you one night. That night I fell in love. Why’d you jump into my arms, I told you I love you so many times, cause I do. I always read you but reading you isn’t the same as having you even close to figured out after a solid 2 years of our adventures and late night escapes. Listening to Kid Cudi, “Marijuana”, you were in my life. Remember cloud nine, well you had me at another cloud. I was naturally the moment you came over after seeing him and you always showered. My depression was worse then cause you stayed away and acted differently toward the end of this “relationship”. We didn’t have labels but we exclusively gave each other these seemingly permanent spots in each other’s life. I’m sure before you cut me off you had an argument with him and I’ve dissed him before because you couldn’t do anything with me and it felt controlling. Just know I’d trust you to do whatever if I was him. You’re loyal, but he made you out to be some slut who you cheated on with me. That’s WHY I didn’t like him and won’t. I don’t have any respect for him. I didn’t say anything crazy but I wanted you to do what you felt, and you chose listening and being loyal and I can’t blame you for that either. Why did you cut me off? I’m damn sure you guys are done, but since you’re still together in real time now and planning on your marriage he won. He was the manipulative and an insecure dude and ultimately someone who loves the idea of possessing you but you’re not an object. That relationship had so many red flags and I could say that this is wrong or whatever but the truth is that I tried sometimes and you assumed it was biased as I said that because it had to be. I’m In love with you, and I want the best for you. I had to witness this happen, but not without you. The first night he ever fucking made you cry I wanted to fuck him up. I’ll always be there to wipe your tears. This isn’t just a crush, and I’m not lonely. You know everything even now that is going on in my life. Please just call me on WhatsApp, or message a hi. Let’s talk again. I’m not sending it because I have no way to. Yes I deleted all social media. I hate it all. I just kept Apple Music, and opened my profile again just cause I know maybe if you listened to all the playlists I made to let you know you’re the only one on my mind in terms of a romantic life. I want to marry you. Also tell me why my moms accepted you, and you’re not here. She asked about you. I said you’re on vacation and I said we are friends, and that you’re focused on some school and graduation so I’m giving you time cause it’s hard which isn’t false, but when I showed up at your door four times in total, and yes I counted, why did you push me away. It felt amazing telling you I’m in love with you and looking up into your eyes and realizing you must be in love, but you talked about your boyfriend and how this not okay. Why didn’t you say I’m not in love with you like that Adib. If you did that I wouldn’t be in this position right now. You think you’re the only one who cries. I cried every other night after that night, and recently the four days I have but less and less. I remember saying on our last chat ever a few weeks after seeing you for the last time that you know that I don’t call anymore, and soon I won’t text and you got triggered and I’m sorry I triggered you but that’s the only way you even show emotions. After reading this I realize it’s not your fault, and I was just as confused at your age. You’re two years younger and we’re in our twenties. I made you something for your birthday during the first week of June and I realize that I wished you later but the last conversation you just did it cause I triggered you or to make you hate me? Cause I can’t tell. I don’t even hate you. I’m just confused and you tell me you’ll marry him. Let’s see what happens. If you somehow get this, message me dude. I want you to be my wife. I wanna marry you. Let’s build up. We’re still so young. I miss your eyes, our light, we shine bright together. I want to hug you. I want to let you know I’m sober. I want to let you know that this shouldn’t be the end because you always feel like a beginning. Everyday is something new. I love your accent. I love our passions. Let’s take over the world together one step at a time? I know you’ll be able to. Forgive me. Forgive me my love. You’re my everything babe. I love you more than anyone. That’s a big deal. Just going to type that one more time, I love you more than anyone, and I have to add I trust you forever and all your decisions. You’re my sporty little geek from the Middle East, but you’re my world too. I see you in everything. If you do read this you’ll know it’s me. Do I care? No cause no one else but you need to know.
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2020.07.10 03:59 spacecatpopi This is my story. Huge trigger warning.

Please please please read with caution.
I think that I need to type this out so that I can better communicate with my therapist the next time that I see them. I thought about creating a timeline and maybe using that help guide me through the process. I’ve never really had the chance to tell my story so if this is the wrong place I apologize. When I was about a year old my mom married her (now ex) husband, we will call him J, and I’m not sure when the abuse began but it continued until I was at least 8-9 years old. He sexually abused both myself and my brother, who was about two years older than me. I remember him sort of..”demonstrating” how to do things to me for my brother and then expecting him to do those things while he watched. My brother, I’ll call him D, developed some weird habits which included setting my moms horse trailer on fire a couple of times and killing various small mammals. I have a lot of flash backs that specifically relate to the animals, but there is one in particular that has bothered me the most. I won’t go much more into detail but I had found a tiny kitten and D killed it I believe in an attempt manipulate me. My mom was not very present at all and I don’t believe she ever had suspicions until she overheard D berating me one day. Something about “if you hadn’t cried Dad wouldn’t have gotten angry and hit you” My mom investigated deeper and uncovered bruises on me, some that stood out as obviously sexual in nature due to location. I didn’t ever have to say anything but after that I remember being taken in to the hospital and they did a complete and very intrusive physical. They took pictures of the bruises while I was wearing nothing but underwear. Whenever they would ask me anything I would just burst into tears and became inconsolable. I stopped talking to people and became very reclusive. My mom, D, and I were moved to a farm house that was literally in the middle of nowhere. There wasn’t a neighbor for miles and it was peaceful. The house was a lot bigger than the one we had moved from and I had all of the space I could ever ask for to ride my horse. After a year or so of living there, and D continuing to abuse me, my mom met a new boyfriend(we shall call him A-it’s for asshole though, not his name). He was a “mans man” with a gun in one hand a Budweiser in the other >insert waving flag here< At first he was nice but he didn’t pay much attention to my brother or I. He was an alcoholic but that took some time to surface. Mostly he bought my mom stuff, worked on his farm, and drank a lot. He moved in with us and things slowly became more and more chaotic. At this time my brother was going to his dads often and the abuse towards me had decreased overall. As A became more involved with my mom, he got meaner. He would yell and throw things at my mom, at us, and he shot my horse. I’m still upset over this 10 years later. Let me explain. I had a horse that was elderly. The vet knew and we knew it. Between myself, my mom, and the vet we all agreed to give her the rest of the summer and humanly euthanize her in the fall. One day I woke up and came upstairs and A was standing there making coffee and casually threw out a “hey your horse is dead”. The horse that had been with me for 7 years, carried me through so much abuse and neglect, the horse that I loved and devoted my heart to was just dead? I never got to say good bye and that wasn’t the goddamn plan. We talked about it. Her condition hadn’t changed. When I asked my mom about it later on she said that A “put her down” out of convenience because he was going hunting and just happened to have a gun. Knowing she would inevitably need to be euthanized, he shot her. Without me ever even knowing. After this I hated him beyond words and I don’t think he liked me very much either. One day, when I was about 14, he caught me smoking cigarettes outside somewhere and just started swinging on me. I fell down and I remember him straddling me on the ground, tucking my arms under his knees, and punching me in the face until everything went black. I don’t remember him stopping but I do recall waking up inside and my mom and him arguing but she never ever said a word to me about it. Instead, that night he went and bought a pack of cigarettes and a can of chew. He sat everything down in front of me that evening and said I couldn’t go to bed until all of it was gone. I smoked one after another. If I wanted a break from smoking I had to chew, and I wasn’t allowed to spit it out, instead I was told to swallow it. I became incredibly sick about 3/4 into the pack of cigarettes and started throwing up. My mom told him to let me go to bed and after arguing I was permitted to go lay down. I remember being in so much pain and feeling absolutely miserable. I flopped onto my bed and one of the boards under it came undone. I didn’t even have the energy to fix it, I just slept on a lopsided bed where I stayed for three days, sleeping on and off. I only got up to pee and then went back to bed. No one came to check on me at all. I felt so alone and abandoned. They treated me like their live in maid and I did everything, including the cleaning. One day he told me to do the dishes and I (stupidly) argued with him. He jumped off the couch and chased me down the hallway. As I was running I slipped around a corner and landed on the tile. He grabbed me by the hair and held my face against the floor and started screaming at me. He pulled my head back and slammed it against the floor and then stood up and sat back down. I jumped up and ran to my bedroom downstairs. I called 911 and when they came out, he and my mom explained that I was an obstinate child. That I was unruly. That I didn’t listen. How I was basically a juvenile delinquent, drinking and smoking and generally disrespectful. I stood there quietly listening to all of this and when they were done the cop turned to me and said if I would mind my parents this wouldn’t have happened. I never tried to get help again. I spent the rest of my teenage years battling with him. Watching him abuse my mom and my younger siblings. Finally when I was 17, I moved out of state. I was homeless for a while but I found my way. I haven’t been back since. About a year ago my mom left him, the final straw being him pulling a gun on her. She stayed in a DV shelter for a couple of months and they helped her get her own apartment. She and my siblings are in mandated therapy.
Most recently I was invited over to a friends house. I went over not realizing that it was supposed to be a date, I thought that we were just going to play games, smoke some weed, and hang out. When I got there, it was set up like a date. He had bought wine, made dinner, and set his house up to fit the mood. It was completely unexpected and I didn’t know how to tell him I didn’t think of him romantically so I indulged in the wine. I knew he had a thing for me but I’ve chosen to ignore it. Largely because I’m not attracted to him but also because he’s easier 25 years my senior. I ended up getting very drunk and he pulled me back to his bedroom. I tried to say no but he put one hand on my my chest and the other around my shoulder, then told me it was just my anxiety making me nervous and if I relaxed I would enjoy it. I tried to make a joke and pull away again but he laughed at me. I felt so humiliated. I let him have sex with me and I just... laid there. I didn’t do anything else. It’s like all of my past sexual traumas came flooding in and I felt completely paralyzed. This is the first time I have felt the courage to put my story together and I’m not going to reread and edit it so please excuse anything that doesn’t make sense. I just needed to put it out there into the world. It’s no longer my secret to carry around and I feel better already.
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2020.07.10 02:51 Luvbug20 Being happy after an abusive relationship.

I’m having one of those nights where I’m feeling super appreciative for what i’ve got and reflecting over the last couple of years as it nears to mine and my boyfriends 2 year anniversary next week.
2 years ago I left a very toxic and a very abusive relationship. I won’t go into details about what happened as I have previously written a blog entry about it further down my page (if you want to know the context, go and check it out) when I left that relationship I lost all hope in finding love, and I was only 19 then. After going through something as traumatic and mentally damaging like that it really ruins your attitude towards relationships and how you feel about yourself, and it makes me sad looking back and seeing how low I felt at the age of 19 which is still super young.
I felt very suicidal, I didn’t want to be here anymore. I had put so much love and effort into a relationship that was never going to change, and I just received abuse for trying to do nice things. I used to be a tough cookie, I was never really open romantically and spoke about how I felt as he used to bully me for it. So once that relationship ended in my mind I believed that I won’t find anyone else who will love me. At that point he was my 2nd relationship I had been in, my first relationship was a long distance one, he cheated on me. So as you can imagine my hope of finding a decent man was very slim.
Luckily, I plucked up the courage to download a dating app and that’s how I met the man I’m with now, and my god I am so lucky I found him. He saved me from such a dangerous and dark rut that I was in, and he showed me what a true relationship is supposed to be like. He is kind, caring, loving and my best friend. He is amazing. It was reassuring meeting someone like him after giving up all hope of finding someone decent. It took me a while to fully trust him and let my guard down due to my past, but he was very understanding of that and I appreciated it.
I’m now 21 (nearing to 22) we have our own house and our own dog and we are settled, very happy and very much in love. It’s so nice knowing we’re 2 years in almost and I still look at him the way I did when I met him, full of lust and butterflies and I am still shocked that I got someone like him. I think more than anything it’s nice having someone you can trust completely not to hurt you, and it’s eases my mind so much, and it’s such a difference not having to worry.
The main reason why I’m writing this is to just prove to those who have experienced an abusive relationship, you will find happiness again. I was so adamant that I wouldn’t and I just wanted to give up. I hated life. But my partner came along at just the right time. There is hope for everyone and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes we get handed the shit cards to deal with, to be rewarded with the amazing ones at the end. I’ve definitely found the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I never thought I would get to this point. Having a house; a stable relationship and discussing kids and our future still makes me emotional.
Don’t give up, stay positive and the best things will happen. I’m very grateful for what I have.
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2020.07.10 01:26 PoignantDemureness The Monster Above My Bed

It's been hours. My curtains are half open so day light can enter, which I'm thankful for. I'm scared to death by the idea of being in darkness with...with that thing above my bed.
Time was a luxury hours ago. But now it feels like an endless torture. I'm writing this because, no this is not a scream for help, but because I'm also scared of myself. Being here quiet and waiting makes me want to scream crying and run to the door. But I just know that it's not going to help. I know that but my muscles may not keep listening to me. So I need a distraction. Also, call me a romantic, but I want to write this story of mine as a last note before I die. I always wanted to post something on this subreddit but honestly guys, I always thought it'd be a made-up story. And for some of you who doesn't feel like reading the whole thing, let me just give you the lesson of my life before you leave : Do not go under your bed even if you drop something there.
Bad luck started from the beginning of the night. I'm used to having really bad nightmares but it never makes it easier. I woke up again around 6 am, opened my curtains to let first lights of the day in. I went to kitchen for a cup of water, my eyes half closed, turning the light switches on as I'm walking through. Just a childhood habit. As I was pouring the water to my cup, something catched my eye. I thought about it, for about two seconds, and then decided to take a pill. That one was not a childhood habit. I was gonna quit it for good tho, just not today. I went back to my bed and took my phone to check my messages.
And well you know the rest. Pretty but stupid girl does something totally idiotic and you'd be screaming to her in front of your screen to not to. If I was able to hear the music rising dramatically, I wouldn't go under my bed to get my phone back. But there was no music to warn me and here I am.
My phone was so deep in there, I have a large bed, I had to crawl under there good to reach it. As my fingers touched my phone, I felt my bed above me sinking a little by the weight of something. My body responded before my brain, stopped dead and hold my breath.
There was someone on my bed.
I waited for an attack, something like getting pulled by my legs. As seconds went by the attack never came, nor a word from the intruder. Did I mention that I love horror movies and stories? At that moment every freaky scenes and characters filled my brain with endless possibilities.
My eyes teared up. I prayed.
I know you'd be interested in more reading about those moments but it's difficult for me to write about it right now. Maybe if I survive this... Right now I need to tell the presence for my sanity. I mentioned it as a monster but I don't know what it is. Calling it a monster makes it so ironic tho, because I spent my childhood being afraid of the monster under my bed. Now under my bed is my safe place. I stopped holding my breath hours ago, then stopped playing dead. At some point adrenaline left my body. Thrist almost seems like an enemy that is more dangerous that what's above my bed. I haven't left my spot and it hasn't moved since then.
I only now realized the fact that I could be checking my phone for the time from the beginning. I don't know what's happening to me but I sure am not in a survival mode. Also I'd normally be apologising for my poor English but hey you get to live so don't complain. Death's never been this sudden so I don't even know if I'll be able to post this. Why do they never call the police or move out immediately in horror movies?
4.11 pm - I think it's moving. It sure didn't change its exact location but the squeaking from my bed tells me it's moving, like rocking back and forth. I wish someone would knock on my door.
4.46 pm - There's no way that it's not aware of my presence in the room. But what is the trigger here for my screams that's coming? What is it waiting for? A sound? A movement? Some more time?
5.35 pm - It'll be dark soon and I know I can't handle it. I can't be under this bed when night is here. The thought of it is simply unbearable.
5.43 pm - Screen light will be a problem. I mean I'm not doing the best job with not moving and all but I make no sound. By the time darkness is fully here, everything will be over. I'll make sure of it.
6.03 pm - Something happened. There's no weight on my bed right now. It's like it lifted. I'm not expecting it to walk away as it didn't walk in. I'm too scared to check, but same time I have no choice.
6.17 pm - It's gone.
The Next Day
I'm in my boyfriend's apartment. I was gonna move out in a month anyway so I'll spend my month here with him. I cannot be in that house anymore...and can't sleep alone. I don't know what's more to say. I don't want anything to do with this story. I won't re-read it, it's just too much for me right now. A couple of minutes ago I was about to sneeze and my hand rushed to find a napkin on the nightstand. I accidentally dropped that little toy that came out of the Kinder surprise egg that we bought together for the first time with my boyfriend. It's odd how it rolls that much.
I won't go under there to take it back. Would you?
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2020.07.09 16:06 efa___ I Read It So You Don't Have To: Love Italian Style (by Melissa Gorga)

As much as I've been enjoying our literary exploration of RHONY's trailblazing cosmopolites, I think it's time to mix things up and travel approximately thirty miles down the road to get a taste of the suburban paradise that is the non-Jersey-Shore part of New Jersey. And since I'm sure we could all use a little bit of extra help keeping that spark alive -- especially in these trying times -- what better place to start than Melissa Gorga's 2013 relationship advice book, Love Italian Style: The Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage.
If you were in any doubt as to our author's expertise on the particular issue at hand, never fear! You have only to flip the book over to its back cover to be thoroughly rid of any residual skepticism. What is love, if not those nuzzling noses, that slender hand thrown into contrast against a patch of coarse, hoary facial hair? However, I have to admit that my personal definition of love would probably have included a little help from my friendly neighborhood tooth-whitening app. Between an unfortunately positioned shadow and the striking contrast of Melissa's hyper-peroxided chompers, poor Joe looks like he got pulled into this photo shoot midway through eating a particularly unwieldy Tootsie Roll.
In the introduction ("Blueprint for a Better Marriage"), Melissa primes us on her motivations for writing this book.
Since I entered the world of reality TV, the number one message I get from fans is, "I want your marriage!"
She continues,
The number two message I get from fans: "How do you do it?"
I think a far more interesting question would be, Why do you do it, but that's neither here nor there. Melissa goes to empower the reader with the knowledge that, no matter the state of their marriage, there's always a way to turn things around.
If other women want a close-to-perfect marriage, they can have it, too. It's their choice. Even if they don’t think they are, they are in control. Women steer the ship. What they say and how they act towards their partner will directly correlate with his response.
I am breathless with relief, and immediately begin making plans to send a copy of this book to every domestic violence hotline in the nation. How silly of me -- the solution was there the whole time! How disappointing that all of those other women couldn't have just tried a little harder.
With that selfless act of charity over and done with, I soldier on through the following paragraph, in which Melissa introduces her "overriding 'Gorganizing' principle" of a good marriage: "treat your husband like a King." As a side note, for what I can only assume is an incredibly well thought-out and heavily symbolic reason, the words "King" and "Queen" are capitalized throughout the book (or, at least, throughout this chapter).
But treating your husband like royalty doesn't mean you have to be a subservient pushover! No,
In the game of chess, the King can only move one square at a time. The Queen can zip across the board every turn.
I realize how much my standards have been lowered by my recent run of Housewives memoirs, since my only reaction is to be decently impressed that Melissa got the mechanics of chess correct. However, the metaphor starts to fall apart shortly thereafter:
As the Queen, I create the playbook for our marriage. On our chessboard, I'm zooming up the iTunes charts and performing on concert stages, but I'm never more than one step away from being at my husband's side.
Take that, Bobby Fischer! We next follow Melissa back to her childhood to learn how she became the woman she is today, and she tells us about dating a series of bad boys as a teenager
My OCD kicked in, and I wouldn't let up until they'd transformed.
Despite a few failed relationships, Melissa continues in her unrelenting search for Mr. Right, but is dismayed to find that some men are hesitant to pay her attention -- "Maybe it was because I was sober and not dressed like a slut." We're treated to a family portrait tenderly captioned, "Guidos in pastel" before jumping ahead a few years to the moment that changes it all. Of course, the responsibility of recounting the numerous details of such a monumental event would be too much for a fragile female constitution to shoulder. Thankfully, as we read:
Joe loves this story. One of the secrets of our marriage is to grant him his moments. I call them "Joements." Whenever you see bold type set in a box, like below, know that these are my man's words. For extra fun, read it out loud in Joe's voice.
Hey ladies. It's me. The one and only Joe Gorga. I'm very proud of Melissa for writing this book. I'm honored she wants to hold up our marriage as an example for other woman [sic]. I knew she was the woman for me when I first laid my eyes on her.
Joe begins to tell us the story of meeting Melissa in Cancun while on vacation, but the couple loses touch when he gets "busy with business and with girls closer to home." Nevertheless, the stars align, the lovebirds reconnect, and the passion is unstoppable from there! Melissa encourages us to follow in her footsteps and adhere to the "100-date rule" for having sex. As she explains:
Even if sex with me turned out to be the greatest night of [Joe's] life, he'd lose some respect for me in the morning. I'm not going to apologize about how unfair that sounds, how sexist or old-fashioned. The fact is, a man won't fall hard if a woman is too easy.
Before I can formulate an argument against this, however, I read on to see that Melissa refers to Joe reaching climax as "releasing his poison." I now realize that delaying intercourse was probably the safest strategy for everyone involved, if only from a biosafety standpoint. She then quips:
Some women think waiting to have sex is just a strategy women use to trick a man into marriage. The opposite! For one thing, a "trick" is what whores do.
I have to admit, I wasn't expecting Melissa Gorga and G.O.B. Bluth to have this much in common, but it's always nice when multiple experts agree on a particular concept. Melissa goes on to reassure us that "it's like a math formula," so I'm pretty confident she's got things figured out.
The couple quickly tie the knot and settle into a comfortable newlywed routine. Melissa shares some hard-earned words of wisdom from these early days:
You might think you and your new husband can just sit down with an iPad, and bang out your official policy on the biggies.
Alas, as our guide sagely informs us,
On day 1,001, you'll realize that all those plans you made on the iPad aren't worth a dime.
Considering my boyfriend and I don't even have an iPad, I’m frankly a bit nervous about where this leaves me. Thankfully, the next section of the book promises to teach me everything I need to know to be "a lady in the parlor," so I remain hopeful that I can learn the skills to compensate for these minor deficiencies.
We begin with the topic of fashion, on which Melissa explains,
The one thing I've come to realize is that I need to take Joe into account when I get dressed.
After enumerating rules like "dress to please your man," "dress to please your man, part two," and "a King does not want his Queen to look cheap," Melissa informs us that
It's never appropriate to wear a super-short mini dress with a boob-popping, midriff-baring tube top. Absolutely not.
I agree -- absolutely not! A tube top on top of a mini dress? It wouldn't even bare your midriff at all if you wear it that way! Preposterous! She goes on to sternly remind us that "'I'm insecure and overcompensating' is not the fashion statement that you want to make." But as a matter of fact, I'll have you know that 'insecure and overcompensating' is exactly the aesthetic I've been trying desperately for years to achieve.
Melissa tells us that Joe loves to see her in the color red, so she "[buys] every red dress or shirt I see." It seems like it would actually be incredibly debilitating to live life this way -- I picture Melissa Gorga, quietly sobbing in the checkout line at Kohl's, arms straining under a towering pile of red shirts, red dresses -- red, red, red. She pulls a cart behind her, overflowing with shades of crimson, scarlet, and maroon, as she frantically swipes credit card after credit card, desperate to claim her all-important bounty.
Moving on to beauty tips, Melissa cheerily informs us that "the saltiness in sweat is an all-natural scrub." We next learn that Joe doesn't wear a wedding band, because he has "really chubby fingers" and "thinks that a ring is the most uncomfortable thing ever." Also that he is a "dedicated manscaper." And is "into feet." After reading this, I'm pretty sure it will be at least 100 dates until I have any desire to have sex again.
The next chapter introduces us to the couple's experience with reality television, beginning with their recruitment for Real Housewives of New Jersey:
For the record, Joe and I never called a producer. They found us. If it had been the other way around, we probably wouldn't be on the show. If we'd shown any interest, we would have been ignored. Bravo's style is, the more you want to be on the show, the less likely you are to get on it. Like a house cat, if you grab at him, he'll run under the bed. But if you sit and wait for him to come to you, he'll jump right into your lap.
I swear, if I ever get a cat, I'll name him Bravo. Although I'm deathly allergic to cats, so that may be a problem!
To illustrate the full depth of emotions experienced by a thoughtful, sensitive man in the cutthroat reality television industry, Joe Gorga returns and shares with us the toll this upheaval took on him. Per Melissa's advice earlier in the book, I suggest you read it in your best impression of his voice to get the full effect. .
I'm a simple guy. I go to work every day. We were married six years before we got on the show. I have a wife that doesn’t leave my side. We love to be together. She's my best friend. Every night, I come home. She's in the kitchen looking cute, in those tight pants I love, cooking my favorite food. It was my dream life. I was used to that.
And then it started to change. I'm not going to lie. It took some time to get used to. I remember one time when Melissa told me that she would be out doing press for the show. When I came home, walked into the kitchen, and saw the babysitter holding little Joey, I felt a pit in my stomach. I knew who she was -- I'd hired her -- but I wasn't ready for the reality of not seeing my wife when I walked in the door. In that half second between what I was expecting and what I was actually seeing, I got a little nervous of what was to come.
When Melissa got home, I told her that I was bummed out. I didn't want to make her feel bad, but it was all starting to hit me. She apologized, but there was nothing be sorry for. She did nothing wrong.
Melissa goes on to remark that "the spotlight has actually made me more humble and vulnerable." And perhaps this is why the less-than-scrupulous have always tried to take advantage of her -- "'Film at my store!' 'Plug in my business!'" But Melissa struggles on, and is soon offered the chance to fly out to California to shoot a magazine cover. Joe's response? "No. You can't just fly around whenever you want." You may find this attitude controlling or demeaning, but you would be underestimating the eternal wisdom of the Gorganizer himself:
After many honest and sometimes hard conversations later, I figured it out. Joe was worried. He was worried that if I was flying to L.A. to do a photo shoot on a Wednesday, then what was going to be on my schedule for a Thursday? How far would this go?
This is definitely a compelling argument, and not the literal definition of the slippery slope fallacy.
Melissa effortlessly manages to slip in the fact that this episode occurred "around the same time my first single, 'On Display,' hit the iTunes charts." For a rigorous scholarly analysis of this lyrical masterpiece, I highly suggest you listen to the first segment of this week's episode of So Bad It's Good with Ryan Bailey. The themes of Melissa's work can be quite dense and emotionally weighty, so it's in your best interest to have an experienced guide of Ryan's caliber to help walk you through her masterful prose.
Rest assured, however, not all of Melissa's songs are so enigmatic:
My most popular song on iTunes -- "How Many Times" -- was written for and about Joe. It rose all the way up to number four on the charts. The reason it was such a hit? Fans had an emotional reaction to a song about my love for Joe.
The chanteuse goes on to share advice about how to keep stage fright at bay.
You know that old saying, "To get over stage fright, picture the audience in their underwear?" Well, I just picture Joe Gorga. I will leave the rest of the details to you.
I can only pray those details are ones like "fully clothed" and "giving an enthusiastic thumbs-up sign." And really, it's not like Joe is a mind-in-the-gutter kind of man. He stops by to share with us that, "A lot of my friends go to a strip club every night after work. I'm not that guy." As a matter of fact, as Melissa continues, "with one exception (guess), he never loves me more that [sic] when I'm making pasta and meatballs for our friends and family." She also suggests spicing up a party with "a few unexpected twists and turns." Past favorites of the Gorgonauts have included "an inflatable bull-riding ring" and "a whipped cream fight."
When our guests are doubled over laughing, and saying, "Only at the Gorgas!" I know we're a hit.
Above all, it's crucial to spare no expense when "the happiness of your family and friends is at stake." As Melissa reminds us,
Whatever you put out there in life or on the table -- kindness, love, and quality meats -- it flows right back to you.
I'm not sure if a flowing river of quality meats is the exact metaphor that I would have chosen to express this particular sentiment, but far be it from me to criticize someone so steeped in the romantic arts! What I am more than happy to criticize, however, is Melissa's subsequent revelation that she and Joe spend parties "sending sexy telepathic messages about what we'll do when everyone leaves." She explains, "parties are like extended foreplay for us." This certainly puts a different spin on the "quality meat" references, to say the least. However, I'm blissfully relieved to see "shower before bed" on the list of sexy tips for men that closes out this chapter.
Melissa introduces the next section of the book by telling us, "It took me a while to get 'Gorga-approved.'" As part of the grueling authorization process, her mother-in-law would berate her cooking "for hours at a time " while Joe helpfully offered up "some constructive criticism. I'm pretty sure this is more or less the plot of the second Hunger Games movie, but please correct me if I'm mistaken. The chapter ends with a helpful reminder not to text at the dinner table -- "I don't care what carrier you have."
In the book's next section, Melissa shares her perspective on her and Joe's relationship:
No marriage is perfect. No man is perfect. Joe has his flaws, for sure. I'm not perfect either. The flaws in ourselves and in our marriage cause us to fight. When we do, it's loud. He's a passionate man, and I'm a passionate woman. Our fights go from 0 to 90 in about 2.5 seconds.
And no, she's not just being a hysterical, overdramatic woman (this time!). Joe confirms:
I lose it. It's true. But I'd never let loose if I didn't believe Melissa understood me, and can handle me. It's another version of trust.
Exactly like how I only steal from people when I know they have enough money available for me to take. It's another version of trust. Melissa informs us that, when Joe is mad, "the only defuser that makes a dent in his sulk is to ask, 'Don’t you love me?'" I presume she says this while affecting the accent of a young Blanche DuBois and ostentatiously collapsing across the nearest piece of furniture. At this point in the book, I am caught off guard by the tragic revelation that Joe Gorga suffers from a serious medical condition that puts his life and livelihood at risk. As Melissa explains:
That's when he told me about his severe poison condition. He described the need to expel his junk like it's a real physical crisis. We all know that Blue Ball Syndrome does not appear in any medical textbooks. But for Joe, not having enough sex is detrimental to his overall health. He genuinely can't function otherwise. He gets fidgety and stressed, distracted and irritable.
But Joe isn't suffering alone. This devastating malady is indiscriminate, affecting innocent men around the globe and wreaking its ruinous consequences. As Melissa solemnly intones, "The general consensus though is that if men don't get their minimum of sexual activity (on a sliding scale), they go crazy." Or, as Joe puts it, "Refusing to initiate is a Top Three reason men cheat."
We next learn about some of the expectations Joe has for Melissa in the context of their relationship. For example:
He wanted to make sure that I knew, for example, if I ran out to CVS and he came home from work to an empty house, he didn't like it.
I can only assume that this is because Joe Gorga is an infant child who lacks an understanding of object permanence, and becomes so alarmed at the prospect of an empty house because he is genuinely convinced that Melissa has disappeared off the face of the planet, never to return again. Plus, as she reflects, "In a way, it's flattering that he wants me all the time." Just like how kidnapping victims should be flattered that someone cared about them enough to take them for their very own!
Of her initial response to these rules and regulations, Melissa recalls,
My independent side wondered if he was trying to control me. I tried not to be too analytical about it.
This is the correct response, because women are wildly irrational harpies who lack the intellectual wherewithal to contextualize Complicated Man Things.
Before I introduce the next anecdote, take a second to imagine with me. You are writing a book about your fabulous, indescribably fulfilling relationship with the love of your life, thrilled at the chance to share your hard-earned wisdom with the eager audience. But what particular episodes truly capture the spirit of a marriage for the ages? How can one convey the innumerable intricacies of a decades-long relationship in something as hollow as the written word? After weeks of dogged pondering, you finally light upon the perfect sketch to illustrate your loving husband's tender devotion:
My girlfriend called me up one day from her doctor's office. She was getting her lips done. "Come over and try it!" she said. I was curious. I went over there. I didn't want huge big fake lips, so I just got a little done.
Mistake! Just that little bit made me look like a duck. I hadn't told Joe what I was up to. That night when I was cooking dinner, I kept my back to him so he wouldn't see my face. He noticed, of course. And he was NOT happy. "You look disgusting! You're like one of those freaks from Beverly Hills! What are you doing to yourself? What are you turning into?" He started slamming the plastic tabletop on the high chair (obviously, the baby wasn't in it), and it cracked.
Fat lips tell no lies: I hated the look, too.
He didn't talk to me for two weeks, about as long as the bruising lasted. When they went back down to normal size, I was relieved, not only for his sake. Puffy lips just didn’t feel right for me. Lesson learned. I never got them done again.
Sorry kids, Daddy's not talking to Mommy this week because she made herself look like a rancid Beverly Hills slut. That's love -- Italian Style.
Melissa tells us that she "[insists] on hiring all of Joe's secretaries at work" -- "If the candidate is over sixty, with an eye patch, a hump and a bald spot, she's hired." I can picture the Help Wanted ad now!
But just because your husband has mercilessly established an immovable network of pointless and degrading rules that he forces you to obey for the sole purpose of making his life as pleasant and free from consequences as possible doesn’t give you an excuse to let yourself get overwhelmed, No,
When things get hot, we remind each other that it's all noise. It's a sandstorm. But in the middle of the storm, with the sand swirling around us, we stand together solid as a rock.
This is the alternate music video to Darude's Sandstorm that I never knew I always needed.
We next learn that, "unwavering eye contact -- really staring -- is the test to a couple's comfort level." I've applied this principle in my own life to great positive effect, although my boyfriend was admittedly a bit concerned to wake up with my face inches in front of his own, my eyes strained open to ensure that I start my day with the necessary amount of close corneal contact.
An Odd Couple for the ages, Melissa and Joe Gorga let us know that they deal with conflicts in different ways. Joe "is the Incredible Sulk," while Melissa informs us,
I'm witty to get my way. I'm sarcastic. If he yells and I say, "That's fascinating, Joe," or "You're a real tough guy," he gets crazy.
I'm truly awed by the piquancy of these verbal barbs! I can only hope to channel Melissa's sarcastic wit in my own writing from here on out.
We learn that "men's attitudes are determined by their work and finances." In contrast to women's attitudes, which I assume are determined by how many dishes they have to wash and whether or not there's a coupon for their favorite brand of laundry detergent in today's circular. For this reason, Joe handles the finances for the Gorga household, and this system works exceptionally well. As Joe himself reports, "Our only glitch was when she questioned me about it."
In a heartfelt tribute to the man who's never left her side, Melissa pronounces: "He never wavered, never stopped busting ass." She's also generous enough to include several financial tips to ensure that the reader's marriage has an equally solid fiscal foundation. For example,
Live as well as you can: Buy the best car you can afford. Stretch by buying a house in the nicest neighborhood with the best schools.
I've been grappling for a few weeks now over whether or not to pull the trigger on a $400 Lego Hogwarts, and Melissa has just, however inadvertently, given me the green light. Thanks, girl!!
In the next section of the book, Melissa walks us through the timeline of her singing career, with a heavy emphasis towards the staggering toll her newfound success has had on her man at home. As she informs us, "Joe is empathetic. What hurts me destroys him." And ultimately, "having hit songs will not keep me warm at night. Joe will."
Melissa lets us know that "women are multitaskers" and that "cleaning can be soul-nurturing and creatively productive, if you use it that way." She continues to say that, "anyone can fold laundry on automatic pilot." I have a sneaking suspicion that by anyone, she really means women. After all, everyone knows that if a man folds laundry, he automatically turns gay. It's just science!
Again, you may be tempted to dismiss Joe as a chauvinist, an outdated relic of worldviews past. But that's why you're not the one writing a book about love and marriage, silly!
For Joe, it all comes down to respect. He was offended that I'd want him to waste even twenty minutes of our time together on a chore. Actually, Joe doesn’t want me to do chores either when he got home in the evenings.
And after all -- "Do you really want to see your man on his knees next to a bucket of sudsy water?" Real men should avoid kneeling at all costs, because kneeling is one step away from giving a blow job, and giving blow jobs is bad and gay and definitely not "Italian style." Again,
A man doing the dishes does not turn me on. Talk about crushing the fantasy of his being the big, bad protector.
And this isn't just Melissa making stuff up! She's got science on her side.
Anyway, a study came out recently that pretty much confirmed my belief.
As she elaborates: "When gender roles are confused, sexual roles are, too. If he's at the sink and then changing diapers, then who throws who down in the bed?" This makes absolutely no sense to me, from which can only assume I must have been doing sex wrong for all of the these years. As soon as I finish reading, I'm going to excuse myself to do some frantic and slightly embarrassed googling to clear up my confusion.
Melissa and Joe don't just uphold traditional gender roles in the bedroom, but allow this perspective to perfuse every aspect of their life together. As an example, "he thinks I'm the worst driver in the world."
Melissa tells us that
Joe and I are the King and Queen of the house. Antonia is our princess, and Gino and Joey are the little princes.
I can't help but notice that "princess" and "princes" are not capitalized like "King" and "Queen," although I'd be lying if I tried to pretend I had any clue what to make of this cryptic stylization. Joe writes a particularly meandering "Joement" in this chapter, in which he describes his response to the birth of his first son
"That's my boy!" I put a Giants jersey on him right away.
We should all be incredibly appreciative of Joe's quick thinking here. Without a Giants jersey, how would anyone would have known the baby was a boy? I can only imagine the horrors that could have ensued. Joe goes on to share his parenting philosophy with the reader:
My sons can have a separate entrance to the house. They can come and go as they wish. They can have anyone up to their room. I don't care. But I want to keep Antonia my little girl.
As he continues,
My wish is for her to have one boyfriend for a very long time. They have a mutual breakup with no bad feelings. Then she marries the next guy. That would be ideal.
It is totally normal and by no means invasive for a father to write what essentially amounts to elaborate mental fan-fiction about his young daughter's future romantic and sexual exploits. Joe signs off with the cheeky quip, "I know it's a double standard. But I just don't care!"
Melissa shares the inscrutable observation that when she and Joe first met, "he was like Mussolini." What's more, "it's no secret that Joe is a sexually voracious man and a throw-down lover." It's this experience that empowers Melissa to share with us the tips and tricks she uses to make sure that her husband never goes unsated. For example,
Thick luxurious carpeting can turn the barefoot walk from the bathroom to the bed into an erotic journey.
Joe stops by to proclaim the (patently and demonstrably false) claim that "A man will never go outside his marriage for sex unless he's not getting it at home," before Melissa instructs us that "sex is a marital lubricant." As she lets us know,
I'm proud of how I look, and not embarrassed to say so. Caring about your looks is superficial only if you do it for shallow reasons.
Reminding us that "being his sex object takes effort," Melissa commands the reader to "treat your body like a sex machine." If you let your physical appearance slip, "he might not complain, but that doesn’t mean he's not thinking Ewwww."
The next chapter boasts the vaguely terrifying title, "our version of foreplay." Melissa reiterates a message from earlier in the book, remarking that "Joe and I keep up the romance with extended foreplay." She also provides a helpful analogy to help delicate feminine minds comprehend the irrepressible male sex drive.
Most men are like pilot lights, always ready to burst into flame. They just need a blast of romantic fuel.
Melissa also tells us that Joe has "a tiny foot fetish." While I'm sure she means to imply that Joe's foot fetish is of a manageable intensity, I would much rather interpret this sentence to mean that Joe Gorga has a raging passion for full-grown women with teeny-tiny baby-doll feet.
Chapter fifteen is titled, "Full-Body Gorgasm." And if the physical reaction I had to being forced to read the word 'gorgasm" is any indication of its definition, it's more or less the physiological inverse of a regular orgasm. Displaying a characteristically Housewives ability to completely ignore the canonical definitions of fairly common terms, Melissa explains,
The traditional definition of "open marriage," is when a husband and wife allow each other to have sex with other people. Our version of "open marriage" means open communication, especially about sex.
She remarks that, "I know so much about how Joe's mind works," and I can't say that I'm even the slightest bit jealous. However, the man himself is kind enough to deign to let us in on some of these inner machinations:
One of the ways my wife shows me respect is by making mad passionate love to me. When I knock on the door, it opens!
But don't think this means your sex life has to be boring and staid! Far from it:
When I gained weight during pregnancy, Joe was totally into it. He said it was like having sex with a different woman. He loves variety.
This isn't the only way you can incorporate variety into your sexual repertoire. As another suggestion, Melissa suggests that you "be loud on Monday and whisper on Wednesday." Sing on Tuesday, mime on Saturdays. Also Joe swings by again to remind us that "the little things, touching toes, matter." Sure, just a very minor foot fetish.
Perhaps it's my fault for rushing so frantically through the sexual miasma of the previous chapters, but I'm surprised when I turn the page and am abruptly met with the book's parting words. Thankfully, trying to make sense of what lines like this actually mean will take up, I anticipate, a large part of the rest of my day.
Need is only a four-letter word if you don't accept it as another one: F-A-C-T.
At the back of the book, an exceptionally thorough index provides page numbers for a host of scintillating topics you will undoubtedly want to go back and reference. I'm sure that, generations from now, scholars will run their impatient fingers down this very list, thirsting for the lost vault of knowledge that only Melissa Gorga can provide.
children sex challenges, parental, due to, 225-26
Gorga, Melissa Marco, 48, 89 121, 229, 234 driving and, 179 stage fright by, 117-19
Nars products, 83, 85
Ralph (friend of Joe), 6
respect, 2, 4-5, 45, 52, 65 as cornerstone of marriage, 7-8, 9, 11-12, 186 in lovemaking, 223
sex, 217 faking orgasms in, 225 as marital glue, 11-12, 148-50, 195-96, 227-28 variety's importance in, 224
Short Hills Hilton, New Jersey, 53-57
Thoreau, Henry David, 109
See my comment below for more info on my future plans!
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2020.07.09 14:39 PresentType Trust Issues in Relationships - How to Overcome Them

Majority of break-ups are due to unresolved trust issues in relationships. Trust plus love and respect equals a successful marriage.
Every person yearns to have a happy and successful married life. However, statistics shows that almost 50% of marriages in the US are dissolved because of various reasons. Trust issues in relationships are one of the problems.
Every individual has a certain degree of having difficulty in trusting somebody. You can't blame yourself or anybody else for saying, "I don't easily trust someone." That's normal but if a person says, "I don't trust anybody!" That is a big problem.
If you are in a romantic relationship and you notice that your girlfriend or boyfriend has a hard time trusting the people around him or her; that is a clear indication that he or she has trust issues in relationships.
Trust is very important in any relationship. It holds the partners together to form a commitment. If your girlfriend or boyfriend doesn't know how to trust, your relationship will always be at stake because doubt is in the way.
A person who relationship trust issues is trapped and he or she worries all the time; constantly checking on you, asking the details of your activities and whereabouts. At first it's okay because you think he or she is concern and sweet. But in the long run it will be annoying and you feel mistrusted.
To avoid the possible damage in your relationship, you need to find out the reason behind your girlfriend or boyfriend's mistrusting attitude. Perhaps the mistrust rooted in his childhood or former relationships wherein he was betrayed.
Here are the following steps you can do to help your girlfriend or boyfriend overcome his or her insecurities and trust issues.
  1. Talk heart to heart with your girlfriend or boyfriend, explain how you feel and emphasize the importance of trust in your relationship.
  2. Tell your girlfriend or boyfriend that you want to build a strong relationship and it can only be done if you have faith with each other.
  3. You must admit that his or her trust issues in relationships bother you and it may cause a big problem. Before it happens you want to prevent it.
  4. Convince your girlfriend or boyfriend to share his personal fears with you and pinpoint the cause of mistrust. Jot down every issue.
  5. Identify every issue that really bothers you and discuss why and how it is affecting your relationship.
  1. Make sure that both of you agree to every solution and comfortable with it.
  2. Express your commitment with each other to build a more intimate and stronger relationship by completely trusting each other.
Trust issues in relationships normally arise when one or both partners went through a bad relationship in the past, thereby carrying the baggage with them in their new relationship. The past affects the person's ability to completely trust anyone including the person whom he or she is intimately involved with.
Lack of trust destroys any relationship, no matter how you love the person. Most of the time people who have trust issues in relationships are super jealous, insecure, and controlling. Why? Because of fear that the person he or she loves will cheat on him or her.
If you can't trust the person you love, you can't have a good relationship. You will never be happy because your worries and fears are haunting you. The best thing for you to do is to forget the memories of a bad relationship and start fresh.
People are not the same and every person has a different intention in a relationship. If your intention is good and if you want to love and be loved there's nothing to worry.
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2020.07.09 08:49 AsiVirgo He bullied me because he liked me or was this some broken ego problem?

I went through a lot on my teenage years (psychological abuse, dealing with depression and anxiety disorder, dealing with my mother figure passing away, etc) and it taught me a lot.
Now, at 22 years old, I can look back at it without shedding a single tear and being proud of myself because of what I went through, but I've always wanted to tell this story because it's been a while and I'm still confused about it.
This all happened when I was 15 to 18 years old, btw.
The school I went to was small, for 700 people at most, but since the owner of the school sucked he had managed to fit inside this very small place around 1200 students which meant you basically knew everything that happened to everybody.
So, when I was 14 a bunch of new people came to my school and amongst these new people there was this guy: Tall, pale, blue eyed and brown haired guy "F" (not his real name).
F became popular quickly and a friend of mine liked him so she told me to please add him on Facebook so I could get to know him and then introduce him to her because she was too shy to do so and I accepted.
One day, there was this random celebration in my school where we all reunited around the field, and I had a crush on this guy (not F) who just so happened to be sitting on the same bleachers as him, so I was looking at that direction a lot and apparently, F thought I was looking at him so because his friends went to ask me about my name and stuff after the event was over, they also waited for me, that same day, so we could leave together after school which I ignored (F's group of friends were almost 10 guys so imagine 10 dudes waiting for you, intimidating).
Anyways, I ended up talking to F through fb a few weeks later and he said he knew who I was and that if I saw him around again I should greet him. We kept on talking with no romantic interest from my part, I am not sure about him, and my friend (the one who liked F) got a boyfriend so I guess she wasn't interested in him anymore.
Me and F talked from May to October and he constantly asked if I liked somebody to which I, naively answered "yes" and I even told him the name of the guy I liked, sometimes he'd tell me that this guy would threaten him for talking to me and stuff which I never knew if it was real but he did say that.
During this time, F did some weird stuff besides the cringy, teenage flirting, when I was on my way to school he'd wait for the bus very close to my house which would be normal if he actually lived close to me but he didn't, he lives 40 minutes away from my house.
I'm not sure if he did this on purpose (which would be quiet extreme I mean we had classes at 8:15, we had to wake up EARLY) but I do think so considering that after we stopped talking I never saw him at that bus stop again.
Nothing really happened between us during those months except for one time he went to see me to my classroom and all my classmates saw him and started teasing me about my "new boyfriend". By the end of October I think F noticed I wasn't interested in him so he decided to date one of my classmates and that's when stuff got bad.
I started noticing how this girl who he was dating started hating me out of nowhere and when they broke up, a month later, he'd go back to talking to me so I cut him off and that was the last time we ever spoke.
The next year another girl came to my class and we were friends briefly, he saw me with her and the next day this girl tells me F had sent her a FB message saying he "wanted to talk to her" and so he did, two weeks later and they were dating.
Because of other shady situations not related to F this girl and I stopped being friends, she suddenly started hating me and this is when the real bullying started, I remember him and his group of friends mocking me, I also found out after that they'd kick my bag when I was there hoping to break my stuff, his girlfriend talking behind my back calling me a delusional liar and crazy for some reason I don't know, making fun of my depression and anxiety and when I was 17 I couldn't hold it anymore and I told my mom and my teachers and we started looking for a solution.
My school decided to do a "mediation" which basically worked with one person and me in a room with two teachers, we couldn't talk directly to each other and had to talk to the teacher as if we were talking to each other, it was strange but I took it anyways.
F was nowhere to be seen and since, with the years, his girlfriend and my ex friend was the most aggressive one when it came to bullying I decided to talk to her. The teacher had to literally drag her by the arm into the room so we could talk.
F's girlfriend faked a panic attack, a heart attack and having heart problems to see if she could leave but they didn't let her.
So I really tried to ask for at least one reason they had to hate me and all she did was crying until the end where I said "if this is some weird jealousy thing here you can see the texts your boyfriend used to send me, you can see he's the one flirting not me"
and all she said was "I know already, F told me the truth yesterday", after that they made her sign a document that basically said that if the bullying continued from any of the parts they'd be expelled and when we left the room my boyfriend and friends were waiting for me and they all told me "F" had basically disappeared nervously while we were talking.
The teasing stopped, the bullying stopped but I still got no explanation of anything.
What do you think F said to these people?
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2020.07.09 08:49 AsiVirgo He bullied me because?? idk but it hurted.

I went through a lot on my teenage years (psychological abuse, dealing with depression and anxiety disorder, dealing with my mother figure passing away, etc) and it taught me a lot.
Now, at 22 years old, I can look back at it without shedding a single tear and being proud of myself because of what I went through, but I've always wanted to tell this story because it's been a while and I'm still confused about it.
This all happened when I was 15 to 18 years old, btw.
The school I went to was small, for 700 people at most, but since the owner of the school sucked he had managed to fit inside this very small place around 1200 students which meant you basically knew everything that happened to everybody.
So, when I was 14 a bunch of new people came to my school and amongst these new people there was this guy: Tall, pale, blue eyed and brown haired guy "F" (not his real name).
F became popular quickly and a friend of mine liked him so she told me to please add him on Facebook so I could get to know him and then introduce him to her because she was too shy to do so and I accepted.
One day, there was this random celebration in my school where we all reunited around the field, and I had a crush on this guy (not F) who just so happened to be sitting on the same bleachers as him, so I was looking at that direction a lot and apparently, F thought I was looking at him so because his friends went to ask me about my name and stuff after the event was over, they also waited for me, that same day, so we could leave together after school which I ignored (F's group of friends were almost 10 guys so imagine 10 dudes waiting for you, intimidating).
Anyways, I ended up talking to F through fb a few weeks later and he said he knew who I was and that if I saw him around again I should greet him. We kept on talking with no romantic interest from my part, I am not sure about him, and my friend (the one who liked F) got a boyfriend so I guess she wasn't interested in him anymore.
Me and F talked from May to October and he constantly asked if I liked somebody to which I, naively answered "yes" and I even told him the name of the guy I liked, sometimes he'd tell me that this guy would threaten him for talking to me and stuff which I never knew if it was real but he did say that.
During this time, F did some weird stuff besides the cringy, teenage flirting, when I was on my way to school he'd wait for the bus very close to my house which would be normal if he actually lived close to me but he didn't, he lives 40 minutes away from my house.
I'm not sure if he did this on purpose (which would be quiet extreme I mean we had classes at 8:15, we had to wake up EARLY) but I do think so considering that after we stopped talking I never saw him at that bus stop again.
Nothing really happened between us during those months except for one time he went to see me to my classroom and all my classmates saw him and started teasing me about my "new boyfriend". By the end of October I think F noticed I wasn't interested in him so he decided to date one of my classmates and that's when stuff got bad.
I started noticing how this girl who he was dating started hating me out of nowhere and when they broke up, a month later, he'd go back to talking to me so I cut him off and that was the last time we ever spoke.
The next year another girl came to my class and we were friends briefly, he saw me with her and the next day this girl tells me F had sent her a FB message saying he "wanted to talk to her" and so he did, two weeks later and they were dating.
Because of other shady situations not related to F this girl and I stopped being friends, she suddenly started hating me and this is when the real bullying started, I remember him and his group of friends mocking me, I also found out after that they'd kick my bag when I was there hoping to break my stuff, his girlfriend talking behind my back calling me a delusional liar and crazy for some reason I don't know, making fun of my depression and anxiety and when I was 17 I couldn't hold it anymore and I told my mom and my teachers and we started looking for a solution.
My school decided to do a "mediation" which basically worked with one person and me in a room with two teachers, we couldn't talk directly to each other and had to talk to the teacher as if we were talking to each other, it was strange but I took it anyways.
F was nowhere to be seen and since, with the years, his girlfriend and my ex friend was the most aggressive one when it came to bullying I decided to talk to her. The teacher had to literally drag her by the arm into the room so we could talk.
F's girlfriend faked a panic attack, a heart attack and having heart problems to see if she could leave but they didn't let her.
So I really tried to ask for at least one reason they had to hate me and all she did was crying until the end where I said "if this is some weird jealousy thing here you can see the texts your boyfriend used to send me, you can see he's the one flirting not me"
and all she said was "I know already, F told me the truth yesterday", after that they made her sign a document that basically said that if the bullying continued from any of the parts they'd be expelled and when we left the room my boyfriend and friends were waiting for me and they all told me "F" had basically disappeared nervously while we were talking.
The teasing stopped, the bullying stopped but I still got no explanation of anything.
What do you think F said to these people?
submitted by AsiVirgo to emotionalabuse [link] [comments]


2020.07.09 08:48 AsiVirgo He bullied me because I didn't like him back? or... Help me understand, please.

I went through a lot on my teenage years (psychological abuse, dealing with depression and anxiety disorder, dealing with my mother figure passing away, etc) and it taught me a lot.
Now, at 22 years old, I can look back at it without shedding a single tear and being proud of myself because of what I went through, but I've always wanted to tell this story because it's been a while and I'm still confused about it.
This all happened when I was 15 to 18 years old, btw.
The school I went to was small, for 700 people at most, but since the owner of the school sucked he had managed to fit inside this very small place around 1200 students which meant you basically knew everything that happened to everybody.
So, when I was 14 a bunch of new people came to my school and amongst these new people there was this guy: Tall, pale, blue eyed and brown haired guy "F" (not his real name).
F became popular quickly and a friend of mine liked him so she told me to please add him on Facebook so I could get to know him and then introduce him to her because she was too shy to do so and I accepted.
One day, there was this random celebration in my school where we all reunited around the field, and I had a crush on this guy (not F) who just so happened to be sitting on the same bleachers as him, so I was looking at that direction a lot and apparently, F thought I was looking at him so because his friends went to ask me about my name and stuff after the event was over, they also waited for me, that same day, so we could leave together after school which I ignored (F's group of friends were almost 10 guys so imagine 10 dudes waiting for you, intimidating).
Anyways, I ended up talking to F through fb a few weeks later and he said he knew who I was and that if I saw him around again I should greet him. We kept on talking with no romantic interest from my part, I am not sure about him, and my friend (the one who liked F) got a boyfriend so I guess she wasn't interested in him anymore.
Me and F talked from May to October and he constantly asked if I liked somebody to which I, naively answered "yes" and I even told him the name of the guy I liked, sometimes he'd tell me that this guy would threaten him for talking to me and stuff which I never knew if it was real but he did say that.
During this time, F did some weird stuff besides the cringy, teenage flirting, when I was on my way to school he'd wait for the bus very close to my house which would be normal if he actually lived close to me but he didn't, he lives 40 minutes away from my house.
I'm not sure if he did this on purpose (which would be quiet extreme I mean we had classes at 8:15, we had to wake up EARLY) but I do think so considering that after we stopped talking I never saw him at that bus stop again.
Nothing really happened between us during those months except for one time he went to see me to my classroom and all my classmates saw him and started teasing me about my "new boyfriend". By the end of October I think F noticed I wasn't interested in him so he decided to date one of my classmates and that's when stuff got bad.
I started noticing how this girl who he was dating started hating me out of nowhere and when they broke up, a month later, he'd go back to talking to me so I cut him off and that was the last time we ever spoke.
The next year another girl came to my class and we were friends briefly, he saw me with her and the next day this girl tells me F had sent her a FB message saying he "wanted to talk to her" and so he did, two weeks later and they were dating.
Because of other shady situations not related to F this girl and I stopped being friends, she suddenly started hating me and this is when the real bullying started, I remember him and his group of friends mocking me, I also found out after that they'd kick my bag when I was there hoping to break my stuff, his girlfriend talking behind my back calling me a delusional liar and crazy for some reason I don't know, making fun of my depression and anxiety and when I was 17 I couldn't hold it anymore and I told my mom and my teachers and we started looking for a solution.
My school decided to do a "mediation" which basically worked like this; one person and me in a room with two teachers, we couldn't talk directly to each other and had to talk to the teacher as if we were talking to each other, it was strange but I took it anyways.
F was nowhere to be seen and since his girlfriend (my ex friend) was the most aggressive one of the two when it came to bullying me, I decided to talk to her. The teacher had to literally drag her by the arm into the room so we could talk.
F's girlfriend faked a panic attack, a heart attack and having heart problems to see if she could leave but they didn't let her, thankfully the teachers didn't believe her.
During our mediation I really tried to ask her for the reason they had to hate me and all she did was cry, it wasn't until at the end of the conversation, that almost lasted 3 hours, (basically me and the teachers talking and me telling my bullying story) when I said "if this is some weird jealousy thing here you can see the texts your boyfriend used to send me, you can see he's the one flirting not me"
and all she said was "I know already, F told me the truth yesterday", after that they made her sign a document that basically said that if the bullying continued from any of the parts they'd be expelled and when we left the room my boyfriend and friends were waiting for me and they all told me "F" had basically disappeared looking really nervous and desperate.
The teasing stopped, the bullying stopped but I still got no explanation of anything, especially since most of the bullying was done behind my back.
Why do you guys think F did all this?
submitted by AsiVirgo to bullying [link] [comments]


2020.07.09 08:01 Justwonderinif The Keepers Timeline I

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Timeline II >>
submitted by Justwonderinif to Timelines [link] [comments]


2020.07.09 03:56 throwsuiciaway [FF] My best friend's boyfriend pissed me off, so I [18F] fucked his mom [late 40s F]

The summer after graduating high school, I was in a pissy mood. Yes, the whole summer. I was terrified about going to college hours away from my family and sad to be leaving my friends, especially my best friend, Jillian. Throughout high school, Jillian and I had a covert romantic and sexual relationship. We saw each other intermittently from our first year of high school (age 14) until we left for college (age 18), pausing only when we had boyfriends. And occasionally unpausing it during those times. We somehow simultaneously thought of each other as our soulmate and also a relationship that didn't "count" as cheating because we were both women. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's something I've since learned is actually fairly common amongst closeted teenagers.
Our last semester of high school, Jillian started dating a boy in our year named Tom. At first, I didn't dislike him any more than I disliked her other boyfriends — it was more a general jealousy that she could date them in public instead of an actual dislike of them as individuals. But then, against my wishes, she told Tom about us one night shortly before graduation. I was fucking pissed. I wasn't ready to be "out," and I wasn't even sure what my sexuality was, so this felt like both an invasion of my privacy and a lot of pressure to suddenly define myself. Jillian apologized profusely when she saw how upset I was, and I did forgive her fairly quickly considering my ability to hold a grudge, but the damage was done.
Tom became insufferable. Every time the three of us were in a room together, he would "jokingly" ask us for a threesome as the literal embodiment of what is now known as the "haha jk... unless" meme. Any time he and I were left alone, he would goad me. He'd grab his crotch over his pants, tell me how big his dick was, or say that he could make Jillian cum harder than I ever could because I was just a "dyke with small hands and no cock." I told Jillian about these things, but she kept laughing it off, saying he was just playing around.
To protect myself from getting slapped with a murder conviction, I avoided him as much as possible, which wasn't easy considering he was always fucking there: at beach week, at Jillian and my joint graduation party, at Jillian's side whenever we had plans to hang out. He was determined to prevent us from being alone. I empathized with his concerns because it was true that Jillian had cheated on boyfriends with me in the past, but I was baffled by this dynamic. Why the fuck would you date somebody who you worried would cheat on you the second you left them alone? And why the fuck would you date somebody who didn't trust you enough to leave you alone for more than a second? Jillian refused to set boundaries, saying she didn't want to be put in the middle of it. Tom then started insisting on hosting all our friend group hangouts that entire summer, forcing me to be around him if I ever wanted to see my other friends as well.
To be fair, his house was awesome. His mom had gotten an incredible settlement when his dad violated their prenup and ran off with some Pilates instructor, and she poured a lot of the money into renovating the house. The scandal was the talk of the town when it first happened, and I remember my parents going out of their way to bring her dinners and support her as a newly single mom. She ended up not needing anybody's help. She lost at least 40 pounds, got some work done on her face, and bought herself a fancy car and a whole new wardrobe.
I was honestly floored by how well she handled the divorce in the face of vicious public speculation. She went from being a typical, dumpy small town mom to a hot divorcée in the span of a couple months, and, if the rumors were true, she was taking advantage of her newfound singlehood by constantly going out on dates in town, zipping around in her fancy car with a new guy every time. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't taken a peek at her when we were all hanging out by their pool, but I still wasn't quite sure if I was interested in sleeping with women overall or just Jillian. Either way, she was undeniably attractive.
One hot July afternoon, Tom's mom was inside while the whole friend group lazed around by the pool. Tom was showing off on the diving board for Jillian while I was reapplying sunscreen and struggling to reach my back. "Jill, could you help me out please?" I asked, genuinely innocently.
She took her eyes off Tom and squirted some sunscreen in her hands, rubbing it into my shoulders. When Tom resurfaced, he looked over for Jillian's approval and saw her hands on me. He immediately shot out of the pool and stomped over to us, grabbing the sunscreen out of Jillian's hands and shoving his body between us. "I've got it, Jillian, you don't have to do this," he hissed.
Nevermind the fact that I had no interest in letting him touch me. He forcefully rubbed sunscreen onto my shoulders and back, ignoring me when I asked him to soften the pressure. Jillian left to jump in the pool, throwing her hands up in frustration. Coward. I grit my teeth and bit my tongue, determined not to give him the satisfaction of making a scene in front of our friends. It was the one thing he knew he had over me; Jillian and I weren't out to the friend group, and he knew that as long as he didn't cross a line, I would never tell him off in public out of fear that he would out me. That might seem silly from today's perspective, but this was a decade ago — before same-sex marriage was legalized, before President Obama had even publicly changed his opinion. Especially in a small town, being outwardly queer was something that at best got you ostracized and at worst got you disowned or beaten.
Our friends didn't seem to notice anything was wrong. They were too busy playing chicken in the pool or flirting amongst themselves or reading trashy magazines. Tom took advantage of their distraction to start whispering to me as he forcefully rubbed in sunscreen. "Nice try, Lily," he muttered under his breath, "but you're gonna have to do better than that."
"What the fuck is your problem, dude?" I whispered, "Jillian isn't going to cheat on you. We've both made that very clear."
He scoffed. "Obviously. Why would she go for you when she could have my thick cock?"
I made a noise of disgust, but he kept talking. "The offer still stands for you to join us, though," he murmured, brushing my hair over one shoulder seemingly to apply sunscreen but really just to breathe in my ear, "I'd love for you two to play in front of me."
One of his hands slid over my shoulder to rub sunscreen on my sternum. I tried to shrug him off, but he held me firm. "Please let go of me," I whispered, struggling to keep my voice even.
Tom's hand brushed against the line of my bikini top. "You'll like it better when a man is involved. I'll remind you how much you need cock."
One of his fingertips slid half an inch under my top. That was it. I elbowed him hard in the throat and immediately shot up, rearranging my face to one of playful chagrin and raising my voice for everyone to hear. "Oh my god, Tom, I'm SO SORRY!" I giggled, "I'm so ticklish, it was just an automatic reaction! That's sooooo embarrassing. I'll go get you some ice."
I flounced towards the house as he struggled to breathe, his hand grasping at his throat. Jillian watched me go, concern etched onto her face as she got out of the pool to check on Tom. Fuck her. Fuck that. I was fucking done with Tom's insecurity and constant power plays, even if I had to come out publicly just so he wouldn't have anything on me. I slammed the sliding glass door shut harder than necessary and stormed upstairs to the shower. I needed to wash off the feeling of his hands. As I reached the second floor landing, I nearly ran into Tom's mom. "Oh! Hi Lily!" she said, her kind eyes crinkling as she smiled, "Are you having a nice time?"
How the fuck could somebody as awful as Tom be half made up of her DNA? "Hey, Mrs. S," I said in a peppy tone, overcompensating to hide my anger, "I was just coming up to wash my sunscreen off. I was getting itchy."
"Please, Lily, call me Pam. I'm also not even 'Mrs. Scott' anymore," she winked.
"Right, shoot, sorry, Pam," I said, smiling softly.
"Tom's bathroom is free, but I don't think it's clean enough for guests. Would you like to use the shower in the master bath?"
"That would be amazing, thank you so much."
"There are towels in the cabinet. Please help yourself to any of the soaps and supplies!"
"Thank you — that's really nice of you."
She rubbed my arm gently. Goosebumps erupted in the wake of her touch, and I suddenly felt very exposed in my bikini. "You know I've always been fond of you, Lily. I always hoped you and Tom would get together, not that Jillian isn't a sweet girl, of course."
I couldn't stop myself from laughing, and her look of confusion made me laugh harder. Shit. I needed an excuse. "Tom isn't my type," I explained weakly, trying to rearrange my face into something more casual and polite than abject disgust.
Her eyes widened. Fuck. She definitely thought I was a lesbian. She quickly recovered, smiling at me. "Then I hope you find someone who is," she said genuinely, rubbing my arm again, "You seem like somebody who has a lot of love to give."
She squeezed my hand and then walked down the stairs, leaving behind the scent of lavender and chlorine. That definitely could have gone better. Well, at least she wasn't one of the more gossipy moms, having been the recipient of some nasty rumors after her divorce and proven herself to be above it all. Besides, Tom was probably already posting a Facebook status about my sexuality as revenge for the elbow to the throat. Comparatively, his mom's suspicions were barely an issue.
I took my time in the shower, scrubbing at my skin with a loofah until it was rubbed raw. I then grabbed a fresh towel from the cabinet and wrapped it around myself, standing in front of the mirror and surveying Pam's fancy skin creams. A light knock on the door startled me. "Lily? You find everything ok?" Pam called through the door.
I opened it and smiled at her. "Just snooping through your fancy skincare options! Which do you recommend for minor sunburns? My face looks a little red."
She smiled back and stepped around me into the bathroom, picking up and putting down bottles as she looked at the labels. I watched her intently. Fuck, she was beautiful. Her face was the epitome of quiet dignity and kindness, like Lindsay Duncan or Helen Mirren. I found myself raking my eyes down her body. "This one is great for sun damage," she told me, squeezing some of the cream onto her finger and dabbing it across my cheeks.
She paused for a moment and smiled at me. "You have such beautiful skin," she said softly, "I miss having that youthful complexion."
"Are you kidding?" I laughed, "I would kill to look like you now, let alone when I'm a mom to a teenager."
"That's sweet of you to say."
"I mean it, Pam. You are absolutely gorgeous."
She waved off the compliment. "It's nothing other than the magic of a good dermatologist and flattering clothing. You should see how much loose skin I have from losing weight."
"I find it hard to believe that any inch of you isn't beautiful."
I knew I was crossing a line with my shameless flirting, but I couldn't bring myself to give a shit. She already suspected that I was attracted to women; if she was uncomfortable with it, then she wouldn't have come into the bathroom after she saw I was half naked. She flushed, looking away from my intense gaze and screwing the cap back on the cream. "All done. How does that feel?"
"It feels great," I said, still looking at her, "but I'm afraid I forgot my clothes downstairs."
She noticeably swallowed. Interesting. Her eyes flickered down to where my cleavage peeked out over the towel. "You're more than welcome to raid my closet," she offered, "I'm sure I have some options that are close enough to your size."
"Thank you so much, Pam," I murmured, running my hand down her arm and squeezing her hand, "Would you mind please pointing them out to me?"
She led me into the master bedroom and pulled a couple options out of her walk-in closet, hanging them over the edge of a nearby armchair. I intentionally stood a little too close to be casual, letting the slit in the towel wrap reveal most of my upper thigh. Might as well go for broke. "I'll leave you to get changed," Pam said softly, not meeting my eyes and heading towards the door.
"You don't have to go," I murmured the second her hand touched the doorknob.
It was a hail Mary. Sure, I could have just slept with one of my guy friends again, but I was missing Jillian, missing the exquisite flavors and soft moaning of a woman coming apart against my tongue. It had been over two months since I had last tasted Jillian, the longest we had ever gone without sleeping together since we were 14. I thought Pam was going to laugh me off or give an excuse, but instead she closed the door with a soft click and locked it, turning towards me slowly and bringing her eyes up to meet mine. I smiled at her, holding her gaze and untying my towel. It fell to the ground. Her eyes raked up and down my naked form, her lips parting slightly. I walked towards her slowly, pulling my wet hair over one of my shoulders. Her hand gently stroked my hair once when I reached her, her eyes wandering over my eyes, my smile, my tits. I took one of her hands and gently guided her over to her bed. "I haven't done this since college," she murmured.
"I'm sure things haven't changed too much since then," I teased, "it's like riding a bicycle."
She let go of my hand as I sank down onto the bed, not meeting my eyes and playing with the hem of her pool sarong. "I also haven't been with anybody since my husband left."
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. "I thought you've been going on all these dates!"
"I have, but I didn't let them go anywhere."
I took both her hands in mine. "I would be honored to be the first to welcome you back."
She laughed and squeezed my hands. We stared at each other for a moment, smiling softly. "Are we really doing this?" she asked, her cheeks flushed.
I leaned in until my lips were almost on hers. "Yeah, Pam, we're doing this."
She closed the gap, her soft lips pressing gently against mine. I let her take the lead, but I couldn't resist dropping her hands to slide my fingers slowly down her back until they were cupping her ass. She leaned into the kiss, pushing me down until I was laying flat against the bed. Her hands cupped my tits, teasing my nipples with her thumb. I quietly moaned into her mouth.
Emboldened, she kissed down my neck until one and then the other nipple was in her mouth. She flicked her tongue forcefully against each one in turn, eliciting another series of moans. I spread my legs so she could settle between them. Painfully slowly, she then kissed and licked her way down my stomach until she was finally at my pussy. She looked up at me. I nodded. She devoured me with her mouth, her enthusiasm taking my breath away. Jillian was the only woman I had been with at that point, and I was used to her small, gentle movements. Pam, on the other hand, was wild.
Her tongue lapped at my clit aggressively, and she unhesitatingly shoved two fingers deep inside of me, immediately finding my g-spot and punishingly rubbing it. I moaned loudly and tangled a hand in her hair. "Oh oh oh!" I shrieked, "Don't stop! Oh my god don't stop!"
She smiled against my pussy and continued her relentless licking, her fingers fucking me roughly. The slick, sloppy sounds of her mouth on my clit and her fingers pulsing in my cunt filled the air, the obvious lewdness of the noises making me blush. I pinched one of my nipples and ground my pussy against her face. "Pam," I groaned, "I'm getting close."
Pam hitched both my legs over her shoulders and increased the pressure, her whole mouth and tongue rubbing against my clit and a third finger joining the pounding in my cunt. In less than a minute, I was there. I couldn't stop myself from screaming as I came, my hand holding her face in place and my body shaking violently against the bed. She worked me through my peak, only slowing down when my shrieks returned to quiet moans. She collapsed next to me on the bed, both of us panting. "Are you sure you haven't been practicing daily?" I teased, "Because holy shit."
She laughed and wiped the back of her hand across her mouth. "It was definitely better than riding a bicycle."
I turned on my side and propped myself up on my elbow, my hand brushing her hair away from her face as I forced her to meet my gaze. "Is that how you like it?" I murmured, "Rough and sloppy pussy eating?"
Her eyes searched mine, and she bit her lower lip. "Actually, I prefer it soft and gentle. At least at first. My husband liked it rough, so I guess I was just used to giving with aggression."
"I can do that," I murmured, leaning down to kiss her.
My tongue moved against hers slowly, and I gently unwrapped her pool sarong. Both her hands tangled in my hair. I rubbed her pussy softly, teasingly over her swimsuit, slipping my middle finger between her lips. She moaned into my mouth, her hips lifting to increase the pressure. I pulled my hand back and ended the kiss. "Don't be greedy," I teased, and then I bit down gently on her lower lip.
We centered ourselves on the bed. I slid my body over hers until I was straddling her, my bare pussy hovering over her hips. I untied the top of her bathing suit. Pam lifted a hand to stop me. I paused. Her eyes danced over my face nervously as she spoke, "I meant what I said earlier. I don't have a young woman's body. I've carried a baby, and I've gained and lost a lot of weight over the years."
I smiled softly and kissed her gently, gliding my tongue against her lower lip. After a moment, I pulled back, looking her in the eye. "I'm ready when you are."
She helped me remove her one-piece bathing suit. I let it fall to the ground, devouring her with my eyes. "Holy shit, Pam," I murmured, climbing back over her to straddle her thighs and rubbing my hands up her body, "You are so fucking sexy."
Yes, she had stretch marks, and yes, she had loose skin. And her body was incredible: every inch a testament to the full life she had lived and all the experiences she had, including two unexpected little music note tattoos over her hipbone. I leaned over and kissed her again deeply, exploring her mouth with my tongue as I gently trailed my fingers back down her body until they were between us, teasing her pussy with feather-light touches. I again slipped my middle finger between the lips of her pussy, lightly circling her clit. "I'm going to take this slow," I whispered in her ear, "because I want you to be wetter than you ever were with your husband by the time I finally taste you."
She panted roughly, her whole body flushed as she stared at me, her eyes darkening. She nodded, her mouth open slightly. I kissed her slowly, my mouth moving against hers as I massaged her tongue with mine. Our kisses got sloppier, lazier, but I kept my finger's gentle circling of her clit consistent. Eventually, I detached my lips from hers and began kissing up her jaw, placing firm kisses along her skin until I reached her neck. I slid my finger down to tease at the entrance to her pussy. "We're getting there," I murmured in her ear, "but I want you to be fucking dripping."
She moaned, and I moved my finger back up to her clit. Slowly, I kissed down her neck, sucking lightly on her skin, and I kissed along every inch of her chest before I finally touched her breasts. Cupping one of them with the hand not teasing her clit, I lowered my mouth to take her nipple into my mouth. I flicked my tongue against it once and then sucked hard. Pam moaned, her hips bucking up against my finger. I sat down on her thighs to prevent her from moving too much. With a final hard suck, I released her nipple from my mouth, swirling my tongue around it once while maintaining eye contact with her.
Moving to capture her other nipple with my mouth, I dipped my finger again to tease at her entrance. I sucked her nipple as I finally pushed my finger inside, curling it to press against her g-spot. I was surprised by how tight she was; I wasn't sure if I could even fit more than two fingers inside her. She moaned loudly. I smiled to myself and removed my finger. Slowly kissing down her body, making sure to give every inch of her skin attention, I pressed against her clit with my thumb and started rubbing it roughly. Her moan transitioned into loud, heavy breaths. She propped herself up on her elbows to watch my movements.
As quickly as I started, I stopped rubbing her clit. Her brow furrowed, her heavy breaths visibly making her chest rise and fall. "Patience," I whispered, smirking at her.
I pulled her legs over my shoulders and kissed up her inner thigh, nipped at her labia, swiped my tongue over her clit once, and then kissed down her other thigh. She brushed my hair back from my face, watching me intently. Slowly, punishingly, I buried my face in her pussy and pushed my tongue past her entrance. She moaned loudly, laying back against the bed. She tasted incredible. Lavender, pussy, a hint of chlorine from the pool, and something else unique to her. I swirled my tongue inside her, moaning, my eyes closed. Fuck. I would have lived off the taste of her cunt if I could.
Reluctantly, I tore myself away and sucked her clit into my mouth, gently rolling my tongue against it. At the same time, I brought my pointer finger to tease her entrance, dipping inside once to the knuckle and then bringing it back out again to circle the rim. "More," she whispered, her hands clutching at the bedspread.
I kept the pressure on her clit the same, but I pushed my finger back inside her, curling it to gently rub against her g-spot. She moaned, long and low. "More," she whispered again, demandingly.
I increased the pressure on her clit and pushed in a second finger, massaging her gently with my fluid strokes. One of her arms reached up to cover her face while her other hand tangled into my hair, pushing my face down harder against her warm, beautiful pussy. I obliged, sucking on her clit and flicking it rapidly with my tongue as I began fucking her cunt. Her body rose up against my face. "More!" she called out, her moans reverberating in my ears.
Fuck it. I shoved in a third and fourth finger in one movement, devouring her clit and pressing my nose into her mound, shaking my face back and forth to get closer. My fingers punishingly pounded into her pussy. Her moans turns into shrieks, and I felt her cunt clench around my fingers as she started to orgasm. "Oh my god. Oh my god!" she screamed, her hand pressing against me until I could barely tell where my face ended and her pussy began, "I'm cumming! Don't stop!"
I wouldn't have dared. I was having too much fun fucking her warm cunt and lavishing her clit with attention. Her body shook hard against my face, her fingers digging into my scalp and her thighs clenching around my ears. I moaned into her pussy. I kept up my movements, determined to prolong her orgasm as long as possible. Eventually, her loud, deep moans transitioned into softer, shorter sighs, and her body relaxed into the bed, her pussy still occasionally pulsing in waves around my fingers. I slowed my movements and stopped, removing my hand gently and pressing a couple final licks against her clit with a flat tongue.
As soon as I ducked out from between her legs, she curled in on herself on the bed, spasming gently from the aftershocks. I spooned her tightly. Peppering soft kisses over her shoulder, I murmured gentle words of encouragement. Regardless of the strength of her orgasm, her first time having sex (and with a woman no less) after her divorce was bound to result in a confusing mixture of emotions. She lifted an arm so I could slide mine against her stomach, and then she laced her fingers through mine. "Wow," she whispered.
I nuzzled my nose against her neck and then settled down against the bed. "How do you feel?" I asked softly.
"The good kind of strange. I wasn't exactly expecting this."
I laughed. "Understandable."
We cuddled on the bed for a while. The feeling of holding her in my arms and knowing I provided her with a positive reentry into her sex life was incredible. Eventually, she shivered, the heat from my body not enough to warm her bare skin against the air conditioning. She untangled herself from me and sat upright. "Thank you," she said softly, not looking at me.
"It was very genuinely my pleasure."
She laughed and turned around, brushing my hair away from my face. Her brows furrowed slightly. "You're my son's age," she said softly.
"And?"
"And you're his friend."
"Define 'friend.'"
She laughed. "I know he can be a piece of work, but I don't want to make life more difficult for him. He took the divorce really hard. He hasn't even seen his father since it happened. Could you — could you please not mention this to him?"
I captured her hand and pressed a firm kiss to her palm. "Of course."
Slipping on some of her clothes, grabbing my bikini, and stealing a final, searing kiss, I headed downstairs to rejoin my friends, a small smile on my lips from this new little secret. I still wasn't sure what I wanted to call myself, but I knew I had to make as many women cum as possible the second I got to college. Jillian stopped me right inside the entrance. "Lily! I didn't know where you went. Are you ok? Tom finally told me what happened."
"Yeah. But your boyfriend is the worst. I mean, fuck, Jillian, he is the ACTUAL worst. You deserve better. It is horrifying to me that you let him treat me the way he does, but it is even worse that you let him treat you like you're property."
"I don't—"
"Yes. You do. You let him treat both of us like his personal playthings. And I fucking hate that you gave him leverage over me. I love you, Jill, but that was fucked up."
She was speechless for a second. "I— I don't know what you want me to say, Lily. I've already apologized for that."
"I know you have. And I don't know if I even want anything from you right now. I love you, and I will literally always be here for you, but I'm not going to be with you again until you know more about who you are and what you want."
"Ok."
I kissed her on the cheek and walked outside. Tom looked over at me angrily but didn't say anything, his hand instinctively coming up to rub his throat where I had elbowed him. I smiled pleasantly, laying back on the pool chair and playing on my phone.
Tom left me alone for the rest of the summer. I never told him about the afternoon I spent with his mom, no matter how satisfying it would have been to rub his smug homophobia back in his face. It just wasn't his business. And it wasn't my place to out her as bisexual or flexible or however she identified.
Pam ended up getting remarried after I graduated college — actually to the widower father of one of our other friends, James. I'm not sure if Tom ever felt guilty about his behavior, but I like to think that an example of healthy masculinity in his life taught him how to work through his insecurities rather than try to control women. I occasionally run into Pam around town whenever I visit my hometown, and she is always warm, hugging me tightly without hesitation and asking me hundreds of questions about my life. She told me once about a year after our afternoon together that I helped her feel confident enough to genuinely reenter the dating pool, and I told her that she helped me feel comfortable pursuing real relationships with women. It was still another couple years before I came out to my family, but I still credit her with kickstarting the process.
Jillian thankfully dumped Tom a couple weeks before we left for college. She said it was because she didn't want to do long distance, but I think she was just saving face and feeling embarrassed about finally realizing how poorly he was treating her. I only ended up sleeping with her one more time, but that's a story for another day.
submitted by throwsuiciaway to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.07.09 01:42 emilyscoolaf Looking for advice while questioning my sexuality

Hello all! I hope it’s ok to ask this.
I am a 22 yr old girl in a relationship with a 22 yr old dude. We’ve been dating for about a year. He is my first partner ever.
I have contemplated my sexuality since I was very young, but I think along the timeline of my life, repressed a lot of feelings/desires.
I have a coworker I always enjoyed talking with, but now i’m beginning to get nervous and flustered whenever i see her. I work at a daycare, so usually it is just us and the children in the room so we get to chat and work cohesively. We message and what not outside of work and I get excited for her to come in.
We have a lot of common interests, and while working at a religious daycare, we both are very liberal and enjoy/participate within the arts. She also has a boyfriend, but i think (?) she could have an interest in women as well. I have not brought this up.
In my history, I have made out with women; but never actually tried planning a date with a girl.
Even though I have a boyfriend, he recently cheated on me (I was a sex worker and my sex drive isn’t great- so he took that as “neglect” instead of something to work on), blamed it on me..but we live together and i don’t have enough money to leave right now. In all, I love him, but not romantically anymore.
...I’ve also been thinking a lot of my coworker. How do I know if I’m having romantic feelings or if i want to be better friends?
My ideal partner would just have the same values as me (in regards to social, environment, work, etc), humor, and enjoyment of travel. I do not know what I want really.
I guess i’m just asking for certain signs, since the repression and sexual trauma, I don’t know how to really explore my identity properly. If anyone has advice or if you discovered your sexual identity later in life, i would love to chat
submitted by emilyscoolaf to actuallesbians [link] [comments]


2020.07.08 23:52 qwemnb1029 I (24F) decided to break up with my live in boyfriend (24M) of 7 years. I really need advice on how to handle things.

Hi guys,
I need your advice regarding ending my long term relationship.
I've (24F) been with my partner (24M) for almost 7 years. He was my first everything. For the last year I've been feeling less and less connected to him, the couple of months I've been seriosuly contemplating breaking up.
I feel like we grew apart and I desire being single, meeting new people and having fun. I don't see a future with my current boyfriend anymore. For a long time I thought it was the FOMO, but I'm pretty sure now that I just don't want to be in this relationship anymore, because I'm a different person than I was 7 years ago. I don't feel attracted to him anymore and I don't have romantic feelings for him anymore.
I have spoken to him about it only once, it was more than half a year ago. I told him that I have a lot of thoughts regarding what I want in the future etc. I didn't tell him that I was thinking about breaking up or that I didn't have feelings for him anymore, I didn't know it back then yet. He understood and said it's okay for me to have these thoughts. I never talked to him about it again, because I don't know how. I know he doesn't feel the same way at all.
As for now, I am pretty much sure I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. But because he was my first everything, I have no idea how to approach this break up. What steps do I need to take and in which order. We live together, we have the same friend group. I have no idea how to solve all of this. I don't know how to start the conversation, and I'm extremely scared of it. I've been putting it off for weeks now, and I think he did notice something is off, but I don't think he expects me to want to break up...
There's just so many things I don't know how to approach. I know it's never easy and I know I will hurt him anyway, but I want to do this in the best way possible.. i don't want to keep putting it off. I want to be free and let him get the opportunity to meet someone new..
I would really appreciate some advice from people who had to do the same, I really don't want to wait another couple of months just because I'm too scared to do it...
TL;DR! I need advice on how to break up with my long term, live in boyfriend. How do I start the conversation, what do I say, what do I need to do before or after the talk. How to go about it in the best way possible.
submitted by qwemnb1029 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.07.08 21:47 Anthrax4524 I (24M) think i'm falling in love with my boss (25F)

I write this in part to vent a bit but also to receive some advices on how to deal with this situation.
I started working on my current job five months ago. My boss was the one who offered me the job because we have a mutual friend who recommended me for the job. The 1st time i spoked with her i thougth she seemed to be a nice boss (and she is) and that she was really likeable ( not romantically but as a person) and also a bit attractive.
This five months went witouth trouble and i think we have built a good relation in everything work related and sometimes we treat each other more like friends than boss-worker, off course we haven't been really intimate in our conversations as there are some lines we haven't crossed in respect of each other privacy and because of how difficult it can be to talk about some things with your boss (in my case) or with your employees (in hers).
But recently i'm thinking about her more than i'd like, and over this time i noticed some things in her that i like a lot in women. I enjoy every time i spend talking with her, it doesn't matter if it is about work or a casual conversation and i'm becoming a little anxious thinking that she could have noticed something because i don't want a change in the current state of things.
So what should i do to leave those feelings aside? Leaving the job is not a possibility. Also, she has a boyfriend so i think a romantoc relation with her is impossible.
TL;DR: i'm falling in love with my boss and i don't know what to do
submitted by Anthrax4524 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.08 18:31 ladymeowskers Sometimes I hate that I’m so overly understanding

I’ve always been super understanding and not judgmental. Whenever someone I know does something, regardless of what it is, positive or negative I really get why they made that choice.
Most of the time it’s a good trait to have, it prevents me from overreacting when things don’t go my way. Like in the case of me wanting a relationship with my highschool crush that I reconnected with years later, only to see that his bipolar was a huge issue and he’s not capable of having a relationship because of it. Even though we got along great and the chemistry was there, he isn’t capable of giving anyone, including himself, the emotional attention they need. No hard feelings, it broke my heart a bit, but I understood and still consider him a friend.
Being understanding has bonded me and my best lady friends. They were both going through hard times in their marriage, both having affairs. I never judged them. You should never judge someone for how they kill their sadness. I listened when they needed me too, I gave them my opinion and advice when they needed it. Now their marriages are stronger than ever.
But. My recent turmoil is that I’ve been dating this guy. He’s great. We really sync together well. We have honesty and communication, we’re on the same page with most things. We both have recently gotten out of a long term relationship. We both have bounced from serious relationship to serious relationship our entire romantic life. This is the first time for both of us that we have been single for more than a couple weeks.
When I agreed to go on our first date, I was really just looking for a distraction from my heartbreak over the bipolar-highschool crush. I had put all the effort into trying to make that relationship work, my previous bf who I was with for 2 years never treated me to anything. I wanted a man to treat me like a lady and take me to dinner. I know that sounds basic, but after a few years of not having that, I needed it for my own self esteem.
I never expected to like him as much as I do. Since our first date, we hang out a few times a week. We just spent an entire week together at his family’s cabin in the mountains, and it was the best vacation of my life, but I’ll elaborate on that later on.
We both acknowledge that it’s important for us to remain single and work on ourselves for awhile, since we’ve both been tied down since highschool. He dated his highschool sweetheart for 5yrs, 2 weeks after breaking up started dating his recent ex of 7yrs. I dated my highschool sweetheart for 4 years, started dating someone else a week later that lasted 8yrs, immediately started seeing someone else for 2yrs, and then immediately tried to make things happen with the bipolar guy. So, we really need time to be single.
For me working on myself involves going to therapy, working on my art, taking care of myself by eating healthy and working out, and spending more time with my female friends. For the guy I’m seeing, he feels it’s important to talk to other girls and date around, some people might think that I’m being played, but I genuinely see the importance of that for him. He’s been with 2 girls for 13 years, he’s 27, I feel it’s natural for him to be curious about what else is out there and it’s healthy for him to do so. We’ve been honest with one another, about our feelings. I might feel a little jealousy but overall I know it’s a good thing for him to do.
Before our trip, we had a long talk, basically saying that we both could see us being together, but we’re not ready for that commitment, we both really like one another and support each other’s growth, but it’s important we take our time and not rush things.
During the trip, everything was perfect. The 8hr drive there was easy and we made it fun, even though there was a long detour, neither one of us got stressed and we took turns driving. While we were there we had the best time. We swam in a waterfall and explored the woods. Even normal things like going to Walmart for supplies was fun. We really make a good team. We were alone at the cabin for a few days, and then his parents came. I love his mom, she’s super sweet and sassy and we get along. His dad is a man of few words but he is also nice. I really felt welcomed, and like I belonged there. His mom and I would talk and drink coffee together in the mornings, and she said how she never liked his recent ex because she was manipulative and used him, and all she’s ever wanted is a daughter-in-law that she could hang out with and be apart of the family.
Like I said, everything was perfect during the trip. I felt like I was part of his family. I felt the connection. I still feel the connection. I got to a point in my head that even though I know it’s healthy for us both to wait to rush into a commitment, we bring out the best in one another, and I was ready to have that discussion on the car ride home. Why should we wait if we’re both really good for one another? We’ve been honest, we know each other’s flaws, we spent days together being around one another 24/7 without any major issues, I was ready to say “this is stupid, we’re good together, we should be together”.
The last full day we were on our trip, someone sent him a picture of his ex with her new boyfriend. They’ve been broken up like 2months after a 7yr relationship. She’s already moved in with the new guy. She left him for this guy. He saw the picture, showed his mom, showed me. His mood immediately changed and I saw it, he’s still grieving. He’s not ready.
It did upset me. His mom saw it, he saw it. I talked to him saying how I understand it’s hard for him. I’ve always been the one to leave my relationships, and he said that I don’t know what it’s like to be left, but I assured him that while I don’t know what it’s like to be left, I know what it’s like to give someone your best and everything and it still not be good enough. I’ve heard enough about the ex from him and his mom that I’ve pieced together she’s just immature and doesn’t know what she wants out of life, she just wants to get drunk and party and have everything handed to her while not appreciating what she has.
We talked it through. The drive home went flawless, his mom added me on Snapchat and told me that she really likes me and she wants to hang out with me regardless of if things work out with him or not.
He could tell I had things on my mind and wanted me to share. But all I could say is, understanding is a double edged sword, and that seeing all the options of a situation, knowing the pros and cons for all of them, doesn’t make anything easier. He’s the same as me with understanding things, he asked me if I wanted to elaborate but I did not. I don’t like to share my feelings until I’ve really thought them through, and at that moment I didn’t have it in me to say:
“I really like you, I think we’d be good together, I think we would both really bring out the best and support one another the way a couple should. It’s dumb of us to waste time not being together when we’re so obviously good for one another. I was ready to take that step, but now my ego is hurt knowing your not ready. Knowing I have to be patient, which patience isn’t my best trait. Having a few days thinking that we were ready and excited for that, only to be back to where we were before the trip”
I know the right thing to do is what we have been doing. Working on ourselves. We enjoy spending time together, and we will continue doing so. But fuck, it’s hard to spend time with someone that I really could see myself with, fully give myself too, seeing the man he is, knowing he’s the type to fully give himself to his woman. I genuinely think we would have the type of relationship others envy, not just because we’re cute together, but because we’re on the same page, we would be a ride-or-die, partners in crime, having each other back, encouraging one another to thrive type of thing.
Understanding is a double edged sword.
submitted by ladymeowskers to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.07.08 15:19 puppets-gottaloveem my boyfriend broke up with me impulsively and I believe it’s from an episode

I (21F) don’t know if this is ok to post here since my now ex boyfriend (22M) isn’t diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, but he is diagnosed with severe depression and I believe he is misdiagnosed and actually is bipolar. But I’m still looking for possible answers and hoping to find some help.
We had an amazing relationship. We loved each other very much and had planned out our entire future together. We were going to get married next year. We were best friends and truly had no problems in our relationship. The relationship did move very fast, and he was the one who moved it quick. We were together only 6 months. He made all of the moves, fell in love with me VERY quickly and was utterly obsessed with me. I now think this is because he was having a manic episode when he “fell in love”. I think it’s possible he never actually loved me and it was just extreme infatuation/mania.
During the breakup talk, he had told me that when we first started talking, he was incredibly depressed and in a horrible mental state. And he said that I was what brought him out of it and was his saving grace, and that’s why he fell in love with me. Because we got along so well so fast and he feels I pulled him out of that mental state. I’ve heard of people who are bipolar mistake mania for love and use romantic relationships to get them out of a rut and hyperfixate everything on that person. And that’s what happened with me(I believe.) He told me all he thought about 24/7 was me and our future together. He told me the day we started officially dating that he was falling in love with me. He told me loved he two weeks into the relationship. (But we had been friends for years but really got close and started talking every day for about 3 months before this). I was very weary at first, because of how quickly he fell and how intense it was, and I suspected it was because he felt I was a distraction from his depression. And the highs of a new romantic relationship were completely overtaking him. I truly did care about him a lot and I fell in love pretty quickly myself, but I didn’t let my guard down and didn’t let myself believe anything he was saying was real for a long time. I was waiting for it all to crash once the infatuation wore off. But months went by, and I was truly convinced it was real and I finally let my guard down and let myself fully fall in love and long for this future with him without any doubts. And it was amazing, he was my best friend and I truly saw him being the father of my children and the person I’d spend the rest of my life with. I still see him as that. But unfortunately he doesn’t see me as that anymore.
He told me just a few days before the breakup that he “desperately wanted a future with me and loves me very much and will fight as much as he can to have that”. We were talking about our wedding days before the breakup. So when he told me he suddenly lost feelings and didn’t see a future with me anymore I was completely shocked and blindsided. How can that even happen ? How can you decide that quickly? He told me he was still in love with me, but a few weeks ago his feelings started to change about our relationship. He couldn’t give me a reason why. He would list all of these amazing things he thought about me, and I would ask, “then why is it still not enough if you are still in love with me and still think so highly of me?” And he said he didn’t know and couldn’t give me an answer.
He told me that he started having these thoughts about two weeks ago, and at first he denied them but within the past few days he decided to end it. I also knew that two weeks ago is when he suddenly went off his antidepressants and hid it from me. He never told me a reason why he stopped. And that is very out of character, since he used to be so serious about taking them every day and not missing any days. Then he just stopped caring and didn’t have help from his doctor to properly stop them. He just stopped. So after the breakup I put two and two together and thought that maybe the meds had something to do with his impulsive decision and with his feelings changing. Oh, and right when our relationship was fairly new is when covid started getting really bad and quarantine started. So neither of us had jobs and all we would do all day was FaceTime each other for months until we finally started hanging out in person. He told me that during quarantine, his life was all about me and he was obsessed with me. But once things started going back to “normal” and he got a full time job, that’s when his feelings started to change. And that’s when he realized that our relationship was basically just a distraction for him during quarantine and was just a fantasy. But we started dating and were already serious about our relationship before covid even started so it’s not like our entire relationship was in quarantine. I suspect this is when his mania state was wearing off. Or because of the meds. Or both. Or maybe I’m grasping for excuses because I still don’t have a real answer on why he suddenly decided he didn’t want me and impulsively ended it.
Also, I now believe he is having another manic episode because days after the breakup he went on insane shopping sprees. When the week before he was talking about how much he needs to save money and how he still had debts to people he needs to pay off. And usually he is good with his money and doesn’t do things like this. But he bought $1k shoes, and then a few days later went to a bunch of fancy stores and spent $500 in one store, and $300 in another, and so on. Blowing soooo much money on random shit. I know impulsive shopping sprees are a tell tale sign of a manic episode, and I’ve been told by psychiatrists that they believe he is bipolar and having a manic episode. He’s made lots of other impulsive decisions too that is usually unlike him.
So to get to the bottom of the reason of this post, I’m wondering if there may be a chance he would want to get back together with me once the episode ends? I’ve heard of that happening before. I don’t want to give myself hope, because I am trying to tell myself he is not coming back so I don’t keep hanging on. But I still want to know if this is a possibility or something that happens often. Or honestly, I’m just wondering if he even ever truly loved me or if his whole “love” for me was just mania. I know reddit can’t really answer that because obviously you aren’t him and don’t know his feelings. But that’s just something I can’t stop wondering. I still love him and still could see a possibly future with him and would want him back, (especially since we did not have any personal issues in our relationship and that is why this breakup came as such a shock) but i would make sure he was getting the proper mental health care he needed before I took him back. That would be my prerequisite. Thank you for reading this long post and thank you in advance for your help and insight.
(Also I’m sorry if I sound ignorant with any or this, I’m obviously not a mental health professional and I’m just trying my best to understand how bipolar disorder works and to figure out what possibly happened.)
submitted by puppets-gottaloveem to BipolarSOs [link] [comments]


2020.07.08 15:08 emmacb3 The guy (21M) I’m (21F) seeing wants to take some steps back and I’m really upset

So, backstory, I was strictly friends with this guy (We’ll call him K) for a while, never thought of him romantically or sexually, he didn’t really think of me that way either. I was in a long term relationship when we met and K & I were good friends for a while. One night he asked me to come pick him up from a party near our college (I was still in my relationship but considering ending it) and so I did, we just chatted on the ride home, everything was normal. We got back around midnight and he asked to come hang out in my suite with me and my roommates which wasn’t out of the ordinary. I told him all my roommates were asleep but he could come hang out in my room with me if he wanted to. He said sure so we ended up hanging out for over 5 hours, just talking the whole time. There was an undeniable spark that I never expected to feel for him and I know he felt it too. We had so much in common I never knew about, same long term goals, same political and social views (mine are very specific so this was crazy to me). At the end of the night, 6am, he said he was going to head upstairs to bed. We gave each other a hug, which wasn’t out of the ordinary either, and he just kissed me. It was amazing. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend and me & K fooled around a bit but didn’t have sex. However, during this time I did have sex (once and haven’t since) with someone, we’ll call him P, who I had always had a thing for, and just so happened to be K’s friend. But keep in mind, me and K weren’t “talking” yet, just had kissed and fooled around a bit.
Fast forward a couple months, we get sent home from college for quarantine and me and K start talking. He lives in a different city so we would snapchat and whatnot, things were just perfect. It felt so right with him and that’s why I decided to give him a chance even though I just ended my relationship. We evolve into calling each other baby, talk about how we can’t wait to see each other, he points out all kinds of things about me and my personality that no one’s ever noticed before. We did have little arguments here and there but we made it through because our connection was so strong. Lately I had been feeling neglected by him, he had left me on opened for a couple days a few times so I reached out and just laid it all out, how i felt about him, how i felt neglected and that if he wanted me, I would give him my all. He immediately consoled me, apologized for making me feel like I even had to reach out in the first place, explained he was feeling out of it and was drunk all weekend (4th of July) told me how I meant the world to him, he feelings for me were extremely strong, he wants me around more than anything, he was so excited to see me in August and was feeling better about our relationship, he said we had all the time in the world now and was so happy I told him how i felt, and that he felt the exact same way. I finally had clarity and we were on the same page. I was ecstatic and so happy i decided to tell him how i felt.
The next day he told me he didn’t remember all of what we talked about (drinking) so I laid it all out again and reminded him. He said he meant all of that but he was more nervous than he conveyed. He has trust issues and has expressed it to me before. I told him I would do whatever he needed to help him feel better and be able to feel comfortable. he said he trusted me and I told him I trusted him too. He also expressed he wasn’t entertaining other women and I said it was the same for me. however, everything changed when he said he would like to know more about my history with P. He only knows about my flirty “thing” for P because we used to be just friends and I would talk to him about it sometimes. However, he didn’t know we had sex. Although we weren’t talking at the time, when I told him, he was so upset. I told him I didn’t want to lie to him but if I could take back the sex I would. He said he needed some time and that he would talk to me later.
So fast forward 24 hours later he reaches out and basically tells me “I have to be honest with you, I thought I wanted something romantic but I don’t. I still want to be your friend, I still want to do the sexual things we talked about when we get back to school, I still want to talk to you and tell stories and talk about our day, I still want you to come over and watch TV but calling each other baby and having date nights is over, I don’t want that” I said I’m sorry but I don’t want to be somebody’s fuck buddy and he said he understood & that we would be more than that, but just a couple steps back from where we are right now because he’s not ready for a relationship, but does want to be more than friends. He said he does still have feelings for me. This was extremely strange to me after what he just said not even 48 hours earlier.
Also for some extra background, when we were friends he expressed frustration with not being able to get girls and constantly feeling like he was unattractive or less adequate than his friends, he felt pressed for time to find a girlfriend in college (we’re about to be seniors) because his job field is male-dominated, etc. So here I am, your perfect woman, and you don’t want me? I knew it was because of his friend and he felt threatened or like I’d cheat on him, whatever it was. He wasn’t willing to admit that or talk about it, he just basically said we needed to take a couple steps back from where we are now. I’m so upset he feels like he needs to pull back in order to protect his heart. I’ve just been crying and hurting over this, wishing I could show him that I wouldn’t hurt him. I just want to take care of him and give him my love. I think he craves that too but he’s afraid of being hurt 😕 So.. my question is, what do I do? Where do I go from here? I know that I’m free to do what I want sexually bc I’m single so I shouldn’t feel bad about having sex with P before K and I even started talking, but I do because it seems like it’s ruining my current relationship. Do I wait until we go back to college in late August and we start hanging out again and see where it goes from there? I don’t want to push him but I don’t want to just let this go over something so trivial. This sounds corny but I feel like he could be the one, and I really don’t want to see him go. I’ve never felt this way about someone before and I know he feels it too. Please give me whatever advice you have! Thank you in advance
TLDR: i’ve been talking to this guy seriously for four months, we were very close to a relationship when he found out I had sex w his friend before he and I started talking and now he’s starting to back off due to trust issues.
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